|May 28 2012|
Got up so early today. I started to once again look at my life and wonder why I am doing this. I still havent made my all important decision on if i keep my house or sell.
I have no one to help me and no family because they think I "need mental help"
I have a 4 bedroom house that I bought on a job transfer . I love the ideal of owning a home but never loved my house like I did in Arizona. It was a good price but never what I wanted. I settled for less than I wanted.
AGAIN always settling for less cause my brain wont think like it use too. It gets tired and foggy. My brain and I are always battling and it can keep me up at night because I need to make decisions! I can't even clean this house unless I want to have huge inflammed swollen hands and legs tomorrow!
That is why I wish I had that life partner who I could talk to and spend my life with . Someone who I can rely on and I can be there for also in whatever way I can. But the last date I went on the guy said "If I knew you looked like that in shorts I would have never asked you out" OUCH!
That is where I stopped looking but also stopped caring about how I looked. I also realized I stopped fighting this disease and immersed myself in working as much as possible. I got a raise and a promotion but still hate my life and wont even look myself in the mirror anymore.
Going to lay down my hands are killing me today they are soooo swollen
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