My daily life and history fighting Dercums

Got up so early today.  I started to once again look at my life and wonder why I am doing this.  I still havent made my all important decision on if i keep my house or sell.

I have no one to help me and no family because they think I "need mental help"

I have a 4 bedroom house that I bought on a job transfer . I love the ideal of owning a home but never loved my house like I did in Arizona. It was a good price but never what I wanted. I settled for less than I wanted.

AGAIN always settling for less cause my brain wont think like it use too.  It gets tired and foggy.  My brain and I are always battling and it can keep me up at night because I need to make decisions! I can't even clean this house unless I want to have huge inflammed swollen hands and legs tomorrow!

 That is why I wish I had that life partner who I could talk to and spend my life with . Someone who I can rely on and I can be there for also in whatever way I can.  But the last date I went on the guy said "If I knew you looked like that in shorts I would have never asked you out" OUCH!

That is where I stopped looking but also stopped caring about how I looked. I also realized I stopped fighting this disease and immersed myself in working as much as possible.  I got a raise and a promotion but still hate my life and wont even look myself in the mirror anymore.

Going to lay down my hands are killing me today they are soooo swollen