Diary Entries for Pepperchip

The perfect and worst mistake

Pepperchip

So last night my best friend and I went out. I invited the man whom I'm hopeless in love with. I decided that rara (my drunk alter ego) was going to make a return last night. Rara doesn't come out very often because I make unfiltered decisions. My reasoning and wonderful logic got down the toilet the more I drink (as does everyone's). Anyway, we kissed, there I said it. That could be the biggest mistake or the best mistake I have ever made in my life, I just don't know wh [...]

Waiting

Pepperchip

I'm feeling better, but I almost don't believe it to be true. I keep thinking that I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and feel like I've been run over again. It hasn't happened, yet, so I'll guess I'll stop being a skeptic and enjoy it. I can still tell you when the weather is changing in a windowless building, but that's way better than hurting all day. I will defiantly take where I'm at compared to where I was.

Icky

Pepperchip

Today's been a little rough. I'm still trying not to take naps and walking everyday. I feel like hell in a hand basket. I'm so hoping that my period and the rain has everything to do with this. Thankfully I have lots of fun stuff to distract me.

Mother's Day Dinner

Pepperchip

Today was wonderful. :) I took my mother to get her nails done. She then left and went to the beach with a couple of her friends. This was my chance. I made a wonderful pasta dish from my favorite restaurantthat I found online. It was divine!! I had to make the pasta from scratch, yes, dough and all. Although, my body is yelling at me not it was worth every bite and the look on my mother's face as she took every bite. For dessert, a white chocolate blueberry cake, which was more of [...]

Waiting with baited breath

Pepperchip

I'm beginning to feel stuck. I'm seeing my new rheumy on Tuesday, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am trying very hard not to take this pain meds the doctor gave me. I don't want to take the pain meds because I'm scared of being addicted to them. Maybe my fear is not valid, but it's there so I am still motivated buy it. I just am getting to the point where I don't know if I can deal. I can't really talk to anyone because they just feel sorry fo [...]

Can this be over?

Pepperchip

I am in a terrific amount of pain today. Between all the stress and rain, I just can't seem to caught a break. Thankfully, I haven't seen my friend (flirty w/a g/f boy). Parts of my body that I didn't know I have hurt. I can not wait for this to pass, but in the meantime I will be calling my amazing PCP.

Frustrations

Pepperchip

My old Rheumy told me that I needed to see another doctor, told me that he didn't know what was wring with me and left without medication. I have taken my last week of MTX, and scared to death becauseI can't get my new Rheumy until May 10. I was doing better, but I can feel the pain sneaking back in. I thought it's just because I'm so stress out about this, but I'm exhausted as well. I've gone back to napping everyday for a few hours. I'm so scared, I don't wanna [...]

an RA downer

Pepperchip

I had the trip to the ER and now am I prednisone, along with the MTX. Despite all the meds, I have a flare from hell. I've got the brain fog bad today, I was at work and kept mis-marking or not markingdrinks. I'm having parts of my body hurt that I forgot I had. I hope this end soon.

A new quest begins

Pepperchip

I don't understand my brother being so picky. Although, after I thought about all the stuff I wouldn't eat. I really am picky. I'm just picky the other way. I won't eat refined sugars, white grains, anything frozen (unless I made it myself), and fried foods. The words drive thru and fast food don't exist anymore. I have change my whole life since RA, in a never ending quest to do anything to help me feel better. I have taken drugs I never thought I would have put in my body i [...]

AHHHHH!!!

Pepperchip

I have never hated cold weather more in my life than I do now. Every time I get up I feel like RA is behind me pointing and laughing as it knocks me on my ass. Everyone is out of the house and I need help and someone to be here with me so bad today. I'm dreading work tomorrow. I wanna call out so bad, but I'm gonna be off for three days after that. The idea of a long weekend is the only thing keeping me going at this point. I just feel like I have nothing left today.

Rain, Rain go away

Pepperchip

Today it's been raining and I'm feeling kinda sore and down. My knees are really bugging me, My left one is twice the size of my right one. I have to wear a knee brace just so it doesn't poplike there are little rocks in it. I just a little frustrated. I was feeling so great.

:)

Pepperchip

I was thinking today about everything that I'm thankful for, and how my life has changed since RA. My whole idea of the world has changed. I truly became a RA warrior. I decided at some point to notbe defined by this disease and fight for life and to live. I have changed my eating habits, started walking every other day, and have a more positive attitude. RA has brought so many things into my life good and bad. Although many of the lesson I've chosen had been the positive ones. I am grat [...]

What?!?!?!?

Pepperchip

So I just got back for the Rheumy, he saw how much better I was feeling just by looking at me without a physical exam. He proceeded to a physical exam, after which he looked at me and told me that he didn't realize how swollen I was until after the MTX took it away. It confounds me a little bit, but now he see's that how much pain I was actually in. I do have so side effects from the MTX but not worse than the amount of pain I was in. I kept telling everyone that I was swollen and no one [...]

Thankfully

Pepperchip

So I have been feel a little better the MTX has been helping. Thank god. A co worker made a comment about how it wasn't 2009 anymore. She then continued to say how she was glad it wasn't, and I concurred. The other girl the both of us were working with then said 'but in 2009 you weren't in pain'. Yes, that is very true, but what this disease has taught me and the things that I have learned are incomparable to the idea of being in pain. Yea, it is not fun, but the pai [...]

Yay...

Pepperchip

I've been attempting to go to the gym. I'm only walking on the treadmill for 20 min, but it's better than nothing. The MTX is starting to help, I'm still really sore after the workouts. I'm trying to be really careful. I took it really easy today because I was still sore from the other day. I'm now soaking in an Epsom salt bath. I always take one after my workouts to help my joints. I'm kinda scared to continue because every time my joints hurt a little worse every ti [...]

Fishy, fish

Pepperchip

After a long hard day at work, I got a fish tank. :) I set it up today, despite my knees and ankles screaming at me. Hopefully my water will be ready next week for fishes. I'm so excited. :D Time for bed. I didn't get my nap during all my excitement.

...?

Pepperchip

I hate the phrase, 'While, you look great'. Am I suppose to say thank you to that. I do, but I wanna strangle them. I wanna tell them how much painI'm actually in, but I know it wouldn't do any good.

Hockey

Pepperchip

I had a great night. I went with friends to a hockey game, and we were four rows from the ring. The panthers lost. :( It was so cold in there that it made me sore, but it was great!! There was a fight. Hahaha!! I love hockey!!

the beginning, hopefully not the end

Pepperchip

So I started the MTX on Tuesday. I had no side effects until last night. I had a woke up around 2 am and started vomiting my brains out. I'm on a really low dose of MTX, because I expressed that Iwas hyper-sensitive to medication. I'm hoping that the same thing doesn't happen tonight. I have to open tomorrow (5am). I'm so swollen in my knees, ankles, and hips I can barely walk. Hopefully this is not the being of a flare.

WHAT????

Pepperchip

I just don't get it. I'm on mtx, but my rheumy still isn't convinced that I have RA. My labs show that I have an elevated Rheumatoid Factor and IGg factor as well. I have symptoms, just nophysical symptoms (or so he says).