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  "My cousin died from it" (celtic)

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lostinside My beautiful daughter of 22 is a heroin addict. There is alot leading up to this, but this is where we are. She has Hep C, and has had infections, suicide attempts, rehab, stolen from fam, lost her car,,,and so on and so forth. I dont no how we got here, and i cant get through a day with out falling apart. I dont know how to not wish what she says was true, and im afraid if i turn my back she will die. She is my sunshine, she is my life. I want her back...and its hard to talk to people that havent been here. Its a sad, lonely place to be. I want to go back to my life, and dont no how to do it with out her.

\I dont know how this works, but...its a couple hours later...she called, said she'll be home tomorrow. I said dont come home till you want to clean up, she said tomorrow...not tonight. She tells me her friends are "looking out for her" or watching her back, or whatever stupid ass thing,,,BS! I say they arent your damn friends. Friends dont pick you up the day you bust out of rehab, and take you back to the streets! My father had corated(sp) artery surgery today, she promised she would be here, i new, but i was hopeing...all day...that she would text me or call...or even show up.... Then iget home, after sitting in the Hosp all day, and i want to rip somebodys head off. I cant even worry aobut my parents, or be a wife, or a mom to my 16 year old, because i am so distracted, and scared and hopefull. I cant eat,,(and i NEVER have a problem with that) I feel sick after i even have a few bites. I CRY. ALL THE TIME,,,I can be in a grocery store, walking down a street...and the tears start...
My 24 year old just informed me a bunch of money was stolen from his room...and the beat goes on....I told him that i told her to stay away,,,and hes glad,,,he wants her to get better but every body thinks i have enabled her...i really havent,,,but then again, i guess i have. Im a mom..and she hung her self last everytime i put my foot down, i am afraid she;ll try something again, so i am rambeling.I apologize if i am not making any sense..I guess its time for bed, andhope that tomorrow is the day she decides...
...Read More

To my Chelsea

Dec 06 2010
 I thought I saw you, the other day
You were walking briskly in your usual way
But when I stopped and called your name
My heart dropped, I felt insane
For you didn't no me, any more
...You didn't hear my heart felt roar
You just turned and walked away
You didn't care what I had to say
I cried your name, loud and clear
I don't know why you couldn't hear
Has time done its dirty deed
I thought my love was all you'd need
I guess I was wrong , oh so wrong
that's why I wrote this sad sad song
don't know how much of this ill take
My heart she's broken, for goodness sake!
I fear one day you'll walk away
And ne'r again you'll here me say
I love you baby, I miss your eyes
My life is full of sobs and cries
Please re-think the road you've chose
I beg your heart to heal its woes
Cause my life aint worth a damn
If I don't have you to hold my hand

Previous diary posts by lostinside:
Comments (1)Add Comment
written by babies1, December 09, 2010
Beautiful poem. You may not think so but she knows her Mom, she feels, she cares and most of all she loves you. She may not realize these things herself but she is still in there, still your baby and one day she will find the right road and you will be close again, hold her hand again and look into her eyes. I know your heart is broken but your heart also knows your daughter. I know it's bad but if we never feel pain in our heart, we can never know what joy feels like. there. love, jenn

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