|Aug 10 2010|
Sorry i havent been on, I promised my son (16) his first trip to NYNY...we were originaly supposed to go to see my daughter in rehab, but she left early, so i owed him a trip...We invited my daughterto go, but she wanted to stay home and...."look for a job"...She was going to drive us to the bus station, and i turned around to talk to her in the car, and i saw blood running out of a hole in her neck,,,I flipped, as i do,,,but then made the decision, no, you are not taking my car for the weekend, and i promptly left her at the bus station where we departed. I dont think she believed me how serious i am about her "participation" in her future...but i am done with the games. And my son, who worries so much, but too him self, had to see my fury, and my broken heart. I tried to keep the tears inside, and only allowed the spew from my soul to spill.
We got on the bus and didnt look back. Of course a couple hours into the 5 hour ride, i begin to worry. She did try to hang herself a year ago, and feels i would be better off with out her,,,she couldnt be farther off the mark. She is my heart and soul, my only girl. We are in this fight together, andi pray...o do i pray.
So i call her, to see how her head is, and she is still at the bus, crying, feeling like a jerk, not believing i stuck to my guns,,,and my heart sinks...
Later on she called and found her way to a friends house, and we stayed in touch through out the weekend, and she regretted not joining us, we had a great time, regardless...and i tol her, i would love to do nothing more, then to do this trip again, with my sober daughter. So, we are back on track, one day at a time.
THe deal is, i see anything , drug related, anything what so ever, I call the cops...and i mean it, i am done watching her slowly kill her self. THis girl has so much love in her heart, and adores me as i adore her, i can not let her die this way...i can not let her waste her beautiful life.
>side note< I went to St Patricks Cathederal, a place i use to attend church, the most elegant church I have seen. I went to light a candle for my daughter, for strength...and there was a service going on at the time, and as i lit the candle, heard the priest say, And let us pray for strength for %^^^(%, that she was have strength through out her life, and so on and so forthe. Yes, he used her name, and i look across and there was a wedding going on, and i belive the bride had the same name as my daughter, what a strange moment, but one i will keep in my heart. I new I was not alone in my battle with my girl, her battle with the demons that haunt her!
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