My addiction, m daughters addiction

Well, my little sunshine was trying to detox herself, and being overtired and totally spent, accidently OD'ed on Klonapins.  I had been talking to her on the phone that moring, and we weretrying to make plans for her to come to camp with me. She really wanted to come and have fun, and not have to leave to do her drugs, so being up all night with insomnia, i think due to the EFFEXOR the idiots at "PalmPartners" rehab put her on, and trying to avoid going into withdrawel, she took some klonapins, (which turn her into somebody elses kid!) and the spiral began.  She started not making sense on the phone, like hallucinating, but catching her self, then her text messages looked like another language. So, it didnt take long for me to figure out she was in trouble...and i was at least 45 minutes north.  Trying not to panic, i started to drive home...calling...no answer....texting, no response...so i cut the 45 minute drive into about 25...I get home and start calling her name...and everyting looked ok, except it didnt. A feeling...

I ran upstairs to her bedroom, and the door is locked, i broke the lock, and it was so hot and stuffy, TV blasting and she was white as a ghost, soaked in sweat and her eyes were sunk in dark shadows...i started shaking her, HARD,,,someone could have gotten me for shaken BIG baby syndrome...I decided i could get her into the car and to the hosp quicker then i could find the phone to call the ambulance..I actually got her awake, and said come on, we are going to the hospital, she stood up and did some strange things with her clothes, and allowed me to help her to the car....to look over in the passenger seat, she was so gray and out of it.  I new she would probably be OK, but do we ever no? There were so many pills in her room, out of containers, and needles and candles and stuff...i just cant ignore it anymore. Shooting prozac, wellbutrin, and whatever else you can get into a needle,,is not the way to get sober. 

We get to the hospital, i pull up front and they come runningout with a wheel chair, knowing her name, i dont even have to say much...

Thats telling us something right there. But sometimes when your living it, you become numb to all the red flags, and it becomes the "norm"

So they draw her blood, and she is rambling on about being at an airport and she thinks she is with her BFF...and then at least i am reassured that i didnt imagine it..

I expect them to let her sleep it off and send us on our way....NOT!

This all happened Thursday, and it is Sat night, and we are waiting in the Intensive care Unit for a bed to open up at a sike hospital@! Mandated by the docs.  They think her sike behavior is most of why she is a heroin addict. I guess when Palm Partners(rehab in Flor, that is known on Intervention)said she was one of the most difficult patients they have had...maybe they should have sent her home rather then kick her out on the streets of Florida, on drugs that made her right out of her head!

So, now, its out of my hands..and i dont know how to feel...she accidently took "not a deadly" amount of Kpins, and crashed hard, and she is a ward of the state.  I am relieved that she is going to get help, but what if its wrong...Bi-polar runs in the family, and she does have the behavior, but how do i hand her over, when a facility i trusted last November let her hang herself. And she was in there for have Suicidal thoughts!  They look at how many times and reasons she has been here in a year, and all the stuff that showed up in her urin...and they see that she tried to break in to a HAZARD box on the wall...You mean this isnt normal behavior? Even for a heroin addict?   Anyway, the problem now is, she is detoxing in a ICU where they dont detox as a rule.  They are loading her up on meds, but there isnt a bed available, and we are here indefinetly...She is trying to comply, but every now and then, she starts getting mad, she cant even leave the room...and she will be going to a state hospital, that isnt even a detox...and in her mind, she was doing good and detoxing herself.  I am running out of things to say to her, reasons why... she feels i have railroaded her and that i am in on this plan.  I am so surprised how it has all turned out, and i pray...with every ounce i have, that they can help her. (when she finaly gets there)  If it does turn out for the good, it would be a good story to share, because we no that we medicate ourselves when there is mental illness, but why would it take 5 rehabs and detoxes to see that she isnt stable.   I dont know, i just no that her poor body cant take much more, and i hope the people where ever she is going, knows what they are doing...Well, visitors are coming to the hospital so i better post this before i accidently delete it.

*Peace* just for today