Mopar vixen's thoughts

over a year ago, almost two years ago, i had an affair. to this day my husband will not forgive me. he stays distant and often treats me poorly. he is not physically abusive, but he is emotionally abusive. we have been married eighteen years and i still love him. i want our marriage to work out but sometimes i think were doomed for a divorce.

over a year ago, almost two years ago, i had an affair. to this day my husband will not forgive me. he stays distant and often treats me poorly. he is not physically abusive, but he is emotionally abusive. we have been married eighteen years and i still love him. i want our marriage to work out but sometimes i think were doomed for a divorce.

So I went to see my therapist on Weds (2/1/12) and she said I need to work on being more social and reach out to people who I can use as a support system because my life seems to lack support. We spenta lot of our session on this issue.

She asked me where I could go for support and one of my answers was mdjunction.com and I explained to her what this site was. It was one of the fist thing

I am happy to say that I start a new and better paying job on 01/03/2012. I will be taking a short leave from criminal justice and go back into customer service. I will be working for Chase Bank dealingwith mortgages. I also will earn more vacation time than I currently have and have more sick time and days off. All I need to do is be patient.

Today will be my last day to spend with my husband.I'm going to miss him and yet I can't bring myself to come up from my bedroom to spend any quality time with him. He's leaving tomorrowto move to Florida for a new job while our kids & I stay in Ohio. Our lease isn't up until June and although I want to stay together as a family, I feel our legal obligation to fulfill our le

I have been busy the past month. I went back to work in March for the first time since November. I like my job (most days) because I get to help people (male felons) who live in the halfway house Iwork in. But I work 3rd shift and that takes a toll on my body. I'm tired and sleeping a lot but I wouldn't give up my shift or job. I don't make a lot of money but it's more than I re

Yesterday we went to court on the custody of our son, Zachary. I know for sure we were being attacked by the Devil. He made it so my car wouldn't start before court. The car battery was dead forno reason at all. My husband put the charger on the car and we took his instead. Now the car runs just fine. Then came the court hearing. It was awful. My husband almost didn't go in he was so up

I don't even know where to begin. Life has been so damn stressful the past few months. I've been fired from my last two jobs. I'm an at home mom which has been nice. I get to sleep in andyet I feel unfulfilled sometimes. I sleep a lot during the day and I'm up late at night sometimes until 3 or 4 am.

I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder on top of my b

Today was a busy but good day. I had a home visit with Zachary, had a 1st time meeting with Zachary's girlfriend and her parents, had a birthday party for my daughter Autumn and I seen my dad forthe first time in a year. I had Zachary spend most of his home visit with Dave which gave them some much needed father-son bonding time.

I like Zachary's girlfriend and got a chance to tal

I am facing major changes in my life and they are causing me a lot of pain and depression. My oldest, Zachary, is back in the mental hospital. He's been going though a lot of changes that are notgood. The doctors say not only does he have bipolar disorder but he also has depression, odd and something they refer to as personality traits. The personality traits can best be described as him be

This is just an update of how things have been going for me. I am working a new job. I work with developed disabled people in their homes. The pay sucks but in this economy it's a job. I like thepeople I work with. The clients are nice people.

My son's back in counseling. He's still having some difficulties with his Bipolar disorder. He's had a small set back when he ran o

So after 84 days at my new career (which I did like) I lost my job last Thursday. I was fired from the prison because an LT heard me tell an inmate I had two tattoo's. Yup that's right...I was fired over something so petty. The official report says that by telling the inmate I had tattoo's and that one was on my ankle and the other in a spot that only my husband & I see it was p

I hurt my husband in the worst way...again. I'd been faithful to him for over 8 years now and I cheated on him again. I was with this guy like 3 times and it didn't mean anything other than someonepaying attention to ME. This time my husband caught me with this guy in the hotel I was renting for the week. It was the first time he "caught me". All the other times I finally broke d

I've been training for the last month for my new career as a correction officer. It's been at times boring, fun & exciting. I've been able to meet a lot of great people who'll beworking in other prisons in the state and made some great friends whom I hope to be able to keep in contact with.

I had a tough week this past week. We were doing unarmed self defense for 8 hrs

My son will be 16 years old on Thursday (June 10). I can't believe he's already there. It seems like yesterday that I was still pregnant for him getting anxious to have him and hold onto him. I have a unique bond with him. I always have. Maybe it's because he was my first but I think it has to do with how much I love his father (my husband) and he was conceived with pure love. Our d

I just want to pull out my fucking hair and scream. I'm at the end of my rope with Zachary! He's lying, taking our phones & sneaking behind our backs to use them because I took his away, he's sneaking out at night, refuses to do his school work, has skipped school, is looking up & showing in school sexual animated images, etc. He's already told him English teacher &

Ok so I've got a lot of random stuff on the brain. I've been having a difficult time sleeping at night. It's awful because I'm sensing that I'm in a manic phase. I think Zachary's in a manic phase too. He's irritable and saying stuff at school that is just wrong. Today as a joke and to see how the teacher and his fellow class mates react to it Zachary told them he wa

There's no real title to this entry. I just wanted to save these thoughts. I'm proud of myself for working out at least 4-5 days a week for the past few weeks. I've been also helping my momthe last few days at the gym. She's never been to a gym before. She needs someone to help her...she's gained so much money that she looks like an apple dumpling. She's on a lot of medicat

I'm more & more excited each day that I'm one day closer to quitting my job at Safelite and starting my new job at the prison. I have thought about what I need to do to make necessary changesbefore I start this new job.
1- I need to work out more often & loose some weight

2-I need to delay surgery or any future action on the carpal tunnel in my hand. I need to find s

Ok I feel it is now safe to say it out loud... I am quitting Safelite and will be starting a new job May 24th. I was offered a position as a correction officer with the State of Ohio Department of Corrections Madison County Correctional Facility. I started working for this day in 1999! Finally all my schooling & patience is going to pay off. I will be working within the criminal justice sys

Today I was offered a new job. I was so excited that I couldn't stop smiling for hours and I had all I could do to sit still. It was a job as a corrections officer. I applied for the job in October2008 and I'm just now getting through all the crap and was finally offered a position. Now comes the stuff like drug testing and whatever else they want me to do so I can get all my paperwork

I woke up today at 7am thanks to my alarm that I forgot to shut off. I fell asleep on the couch watching SNL. Today I wake up feeling sad & depressed. I would like to say I don't know why butI suspect it's because I'm feeling bad about my physical image. 

I wish I could look like I did in 2000-2005 before I was raped and gained a lot of weight that I've tried for

Tonight I found some disturbing & very inappropriate images on Zachary's phone. I checked some of the files he had on his email that he sent to someone. I was shocked to begin with at the imagesI seen. Not to mention I had no interest in what I seen. I won't get into details about them but it's considered child pornography. Dave says if Zachary was 18 yrs old he wouldn't be

Why do insurance companies think they know what is best for us??? Do they think because there is another drug in the same "class" as the one prescribed by the doctor that one of those medicationswill work. WRONG!!! 

As you can tell I'm real pissed off. The doctor gave me a script for Effexor XR and the insurance company denied it. They said there are similar medication

Once again the government has let the American people down. No surprise since they've gotten good at doing that the last decade. Democrats were urging Republicans to pass another extension for unemployment Friday before they went on their mandatory 2 week spring break. The Republicans however didn't budge and continued to block the bill and it was never finalized.

Millions of peop

I hate this part of bipolar. I'm awake and it's not even 7 AM on a Saturday. The worst part is that I'm still tired. I so want to fall back asleep but I can because I have 1,000 things running through my head. Not to mention I've been rapid cycling the past few weeks. I've been hypomanic and depressed a lot. This is why I'm looking forward to Monday when I can go back on

I had everything set up for my mom's birthday weekend on Saturday or so I thought. My mom wanted me to send 3 inventations to people she worked with and I did send them the inventations but notuntil today. We work at the same company and my brother works with these people so I gave them to him today. After I gave them to him he told our mom I just gave them to him and she got pissed off.

Today's mom's birthday, she's 51.  We went to Los Margaritas and I had a strawberry margarita with dinner. I'm so full from dinner and I'm not sure if that's good. We finishedeating a few hours ago. I didn't get as full as I normally do but then again I still ate too much. I love Los Margaritas for their margaritas because it only takes 1 for me to get pretty bu

I had a dream last night and I actually remembered it this morning. It was more like remembering how Dave & I met just a little tweeked. It was like I was watching us meet. I woke up feeling a little tingly all over.

In my dream I'm 16 yrs old again and working at Arby's. Dave & his brother Dennis came through the drive thru again. I was at the front counter helping an old

Yesterday I left work 2 hr 15 mins after I got there. Not thrilled but felt it was necessary. I left to pick up my 15 yr old bipolar son from school. He didn't do well on a geometry test (68%) and he was distraught over it to say the least. 

He thought he sent a message about it to his dad but when he hit the button on his phone it didn't send so he sent me almost the same me

Today was my first day back to work after the funeral for Grandma Walter's. I took yesterday off work although we were already back home. Not for grieving but because the whole weekend was stressful& exhausting. I had 3 days for bereavement why not use them to my advantage. I also let the kids stay home from school to finish school work they couldn't complete because of our hectic w

Last night while at the bar for our St. Patrick's Day beer (only 1) I got a call from my mother in law. I was in the middle of a sentence talking to our neighbors who were there with us, so I gavemy brother the phone and told him to talk to her a second. My brother brought me the phone back and told me that grandma wasn't doing good. I didn't think much of it because she's old a

First of all my apologies to anyone offended by the language in my title. I was livid with my son today. I found out that he's been skipping school for the last week. I got a message from the schoolabout his attendance. They thought he was sick and asked me if I wanted them to get his assignments for him. I replied by email that as far as I knew he only missed 1 day of school last week. The

I can't find it now but on my blackberry I got a message someone said I didn't look that overweight by my pictures I posted. I'm told I hide my weight pretty good. Most of it is in my butt& thighs to be honest. I got a huge butt and thick thighs. I've always had a big butt, even as a kid but never this big.

I wish I looked like I did in those pictures still. Those pic

I am feeling down today. I got into a huge fight with my 15 yr old son first thing this morning. He got so mad he punched the wall and put a whole in it. I expected my husband to loose it at that pointbut he was calm. I was shocked because it really pissed me off but I took a cue from him and didn't chew out my son. We did tell him he was going to be the one to fix it and he was paying for

Ok so I bought myself NEW clothes yesterday. A few shirts, a pair of pants, a swim suit for our daughter and pair of sunglasses for her too. I spent $148 but saved $202 off the retail price becauseit was on sale at Kohl's. I told my husband about it and he told me to take it back.

I'm irritated by this because I am the only one of us still working and I got a bonus check and thoug

I am on day I think 5 of this damn insomnia. I realize it is something to deal with when you have bipolar disorder. Also some of the medications I take for other issues can cause insomnia too.

The hardest part isn't the staying up late at night. It's not getting enough sleep then having to go to work the next day. By noon or so I'm ready to take a nap! That's not a good i