Today was rehearsal day.  What a mess.  These people are making me crazy!  I can't possibly make 18 people happy at the same time.  I am going to be changing somany things!

   Also went to see Dr. Karen today.  It was a good session.  I don't know why, but I actually start to feel better at night, like around 7.  Wish I could just get myself to bed earlier.  Still worried about Sat. morning.  Hope I will be OK, but I have to get up by no later than 9 really.

   Today was not bad.  It was a fibro day, but I was determined not to let it control me today, and I won. Huzzah to me!  Well, it wasn't ALL me, I let God handle what I couldlet go of.  I got to satisfy my obsessive/compulsive side and cleaned my house, townhouse, 3 levels, and a ferret luxury highrise cage for 5.  Now I feel really relaxed.  I hate it when my house isn't the way I keep it when there's no one home but me.

   Triston, my grandson, 10 yrs. old, 1 of 4 boys, the oldest, called me today.  I love them all, but Triston is my heart.  He is in a place for children with emotional disabilities, temporarily, but he is in such good spirits for one so young and have gone through so much.

We finally were able to lose Karen.  I know there are hard feelings, I hope they won't turn into hostility on her part, and she starts something.  We're better than that, or anything that she were to say, and anyone who would hear it would know better, so it won't be us that looks stupid.

I know I have to take this one day at a time, but I can't help but worry about tomorrow.  This is my really big thing, I just can't accept this.  I still want my life back.  It doesn't even have to be the same.  In fact, I've learned alot myself since I've become sick.

   Now that I think about it, I have found skills that I didn't even know I had.  I am a great marketer, and apparently, as I've told, I can sing.  I found a goal, a dream, that I wanted to pursue, and now that I couldn't work, I had the time to do that.  So, out of that came the unique company, Pirates for Sail, that I now own.  So, I guess being sick isn't ALL bad....

   Well, this is my first entry into my diary.  I had actually forgotton about this site.  I wish I had remembered it earler, I really could have used the support.

   I don't have anything profound to say today.   I lost my driver's license again last week.  Second time this year.  Never told my husband, so he calls me while I'm in the middle of getting my picture taken at the DMV.  I told I would call him back.

 In a fibro fog for most of the time, I never noticed that my tags were expired, don't remember getting anything in the mail, and I forgot to get my emissions.  Anyway, had to pay $100.50 fine. Then, I had to go to the doctor, the rheumatologist.  I really like her.  I would highly recommend her if you need a doctor in Maryland.  We talked.  I told her I was miserable.  She asked me what changed.  She said last time I was there, about 2 months ago, I was happy and doing well.  I told her it was a matter of attitude, and right now mine wasn't in fight mode.  I just wanted to go home and go to bed. 

   Then there was rehearsal.  And the drama!  I think that's over now.  We are starting to mesh, but we just have too many people.  I know that running this company is really stressful, and that stress brings on the fibro flares, but if I didn't do it, what would I do?  I can't keep a real job because I would miss 3 to 4 days a week.  I need something to identify me as me.