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ASO1979able"MDJ to me is a safe haven, it's a place where I can be myself and admit my feelings without being ridiculed and made fun of. It's a place where I feel like part of a family instead of an outsider. I feel like my feelings and thoughts are safe here." (ASO1979able)

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notsosure life sucks

the rest of the day

Aug 17 2010
well we had some places to go today and the trips were enjoyable we talked some, joked some, and got along great, all topics about feelings were avoided. but it seems when we get home he wants nothingmore to do with me, he gets on the computer, watches tv it seems anything to get away from me. i am not so sure that i am not over reacting though. i am really discovering how much i do that, today i logged on to our cell phone account and discovered that i could not see anything but my line, could not make payment arrangements, change anything, order anything, etc. i was pissed when i saw this because i automatically jumped to the conclusion that he had blocked me out, another way of controlling, well instead of asking i kept it to myself for a while but it was eating away at me. i finally brought it up in an accusing way, fought with him a few minutes and learned that the reason i could not see anything is because it was under his number because he is the primary account holder. i also learned that the only reason he done this was because he thought i had changed the password on my #, because he was mad he did not want to ask me so he set it up under his phone #. he had no problem giving the password and expaining if i would have just not come at him in an accusing way a fight could have been avoided. but me and my insecurities said that he was going above and beyond to hide stuff from me and to keep me from having any access to our finances etc. now the only reason i brought it up was because he was mad at me for getting a check of his out of the mailbox, handing him the rest of the mail and saying this is mine. i was only playing but he accused me of trying to control everything and not allowing him to have money. which is not true at all i have been handling the money lately but whatever he asks for he gets and i do not pay anything without having him sit down and go over the budget with me and agreeing to it. i am thankful the fights did not last long and that they did not get bad today, a little progress is better than nothing. because i do believe that we are equally to blame. its like we are fighting ourselves, we are both stubborn as hell, and do not want the other to be right, have a hard time admitting our guilt, etc.

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