Mien Kampf

This is not going to be an ordinary happy post, so if you get offended by graphic language or mental pictures i will give you the chance to stop reading now ...................................................

The problem i am having today is a problem i dont have too often but my doctors do know about it. I keep getting ideas and images of my own physical pain that are really creepy. The main one i get today is cutting a line from ear to ear straight over the top deep enough to peel back the face. Now i am well aware that i couldnt possibly handle the pain enough to do it myself so someone else would have too. I also know that i would quickly go into shock so it would have to be done fast enough and with a jerking motion so i actually got a chance to see it before i drifted off. I have pictures in my hear of ears strung together on a necklace like they used to do for war trophys. I keep wanting to remove body parts. Hands, feet, maybe just toes and fingers. This is NOT a suicide thing, its more of a curiosity of what my insides are like and how much pain does it take to explore them. Dont freak out, im not gonna start hacking away at my limbs or gut myself. If i found help though so i could actually learn something before i went it might be worth it. Im just gonna go back to sleep now and try to change my attitude, obviously it sucks right now.