I have schizoaffective/bipolar 1 and migraines. I am vertically challanged :)and 29. I want this diary to be a place I can put whatever in my head. http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009 Thu, 23 May 2013 09:05:16 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/feeling-better-43424 I'm feeling better today. not leaps and bounds but better.  I had the urge to start cutting again last night.  After 3 mo of not cutting I didn't want to fall back into that.  InsteadI put on a movie and curled up in bed.  I had dinner with my grandparents and just took some time for me.  I even started journaling. :)  I keep telling myself this will pass like it always does.  I called my dad today. (our relationship has been a little straind lately) I [...] michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/feeling-really-pretty-down Im feeling really down and overwhelmed. I need an outlet for my emotions and can't seem to find one I am very sad lately and have no one I can talk to about it. I feel very alone.  any onehave any tips for improving mood or destressing?  Could really use the help. Thanks michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/lonely-today daeling with a lot lately. I moved into a new apartment and trying to get out of my car payment. can't do 436/mo.  wishing the world would just swallow me up. i'm so tired and don't feellike I'm working toward anything.  I don't see any method to the madness.  I sometimes wonder what keeps other peoople going.  Goals, families, something, anything.  I just don't know.  It feels like I should be happy with what I'm doing but I feel stuck.& [...] michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/a-day-of-tears I was very teary today. i cried a lot but cat haven was good for me I think. kisses from a lion are always good therapy :) Feeling better but starting to hear things again. i think my antipsyc needs tobe upd again. oh well. tis the nature of bipolar/schizo right. michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/off-to-cat-haven I somehow pulled off xmas dinner. It was a good night with lots of laughter. The first time in a long time. I had a painic attack before people started showing up but got it under control.  Im goingup to cat haven today to see the cats. I havent huged my cheetah lately and I miss him. :) michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/one-more-day-37640 I am preping for dinner tomorrow and very much looking foward to it. I have a pretty bad headache today. hard to deal with due to bipolar meds. I cant take just anything. Oh well. just need to getthru today and tomorrow and I ve done good. Hoping everyone a happy safe xmas. michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/struggles-37533 It is getting harder as xmas gets closer.My mom lost her fight with colon cancer on Jan 7th 2009. Not wanting to deal with her not being here. Dad is bringing a new girlfriend to christmas day dinner. It feels a little wierd for the rest of the family. In my manic state I invited 17 people to dinner xmas day. I am a little scared that I bit off more that I can chew. michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/still-good still feeling pretty good. having very bad dreams but ive been feeling ok. went to the nutcracker ballet with my sister last night and had a great time. think the meds are working. took disability fromwork so i can focus on getting better :) michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/better-today-37116 Today was better. My pdoc increased my meds to 200mg Lamictal and 9mg Invega. Tired today but that wasnt a suprise due to my emotionally draining day yesterday. Hoping for a good strong day tomorrow. My boyfriend is being so supportive and I feel lucky to have him. I'll be taking it day by day, minute by minute. hoping for the best. michelle303 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/michelle-2009/a-hard-day Today is a day of struggles for me.  I have a compulsion to hurt myself, I cry all the time, I have filed my nails down till they bled.  I don't know why. I can see myself doing these thingsor know the thoughts are not good and yet I am unable to stop.  I made an appointment with my pdoc for this afternoon so I can have my meds adjusted or whatever needs to be done. I am mentally and physically exhausted.  I want to feel better and be excited about christmas and cooking f [...] michelle303