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JustAdisorder Randoms thoughts and ideas that pop into my head... Along with the chaos and mental torture I go through daily.

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May 06 2012
This weekend was my wedding weekend. We were supposed to run off and get married. This was planned a few months ago. NO family NO friends. Just him and I. However his family had to keep sticking theirfucking nose in things and cant leave us alone for any fucking occasion and now I am home from our weekend getaway UNmarried. :( I was looking forward to this weekend for months! Why would they do this to me? They still want us to get married but as a family wedding not on our own. Why the fuck is it thier business? Cant they just let me be happy? Why does everyone steal my happiness from me? Is this a sick fucking joke? Am I not meant to be happy? He is all I want and I cant even get the satisfaction of marrying him without people butting in. We have two kids and been together for almost 6 years. I just dont understand why? I am so heartbroken. I ended up throwing my phone and breaking it so now im without a phone. I feel so hurt inside that Im taking it out on my boyfriend and now we are about to break up over this. How did things get so messed up? Why couldnt they just let us get married and be happy. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE THERE?! They never leave us alone. They always butt in. In all 6 years of our relationship and having 2 kids that was our FIRST time alone with eachother overnight  out of town. We have never been out of town alone in all that time. Doesnt matter now. Whats done is done and now I feel hatred and anger inside because im not married, now have no plans on ever getting married, we may break up and my new phone is broken. AND i just ran out of cigarettes. I feel the anger and saddness so built up in my chest that I am going to explode. :( Why couldnt they just let us get married our way? I have never cried this much in all of my depression days. My therapist is a fucking liar. Obviously I DONT deserve to be happy. Why am I even alive? Truthfully the ONLY reason im still here is my two kids. Otherwise I would have killed myself already. I feel resigned here but they need me.

Previous diary posts by JustAdisorder:
Comments (1)Add Comment
written by krom006, May 07, 2012
Everyone should be able to get married in the way that they want to celebrate with their partner. But it can be hard for family members to be excluded from an event such as a wedding, especially for parents and siblings I think. Perhaps you could still get married privately, just you and your partner and have another ceremony or event with friends and family?

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