Why wear a ribbon?

"My spouse is BiPolar" (SpouseOf)

MDJunction to me

"For me, MDjunction has been a place where I can share my experiences
living with the very rare bone disease called Ollier's ( Enchondromatosis ) with the parents of children recently diagnosed. I can help them not to run
into the pitfalls my parents did when I was young, give them a bit of a view
from their child's perspective and simply be there to offer support and
hope to people who are scared and just had their lives upended. I also belong to a chronic pain group and it's been a Godsend to be able to actually
talk with others who understand what I'm dealing with. Besides them helping me through my tough times, I can be there to help them as well. Here too, I can use my years of experience to help others avoid pitfalls and it makes me feel good, gives my life more purpose. MDjunction brings people
together when their suffering, at their darkest and feeling alone in this world and allows some light to be brought back into their lives. HOPE, that's what
MDjunction means to me!
Linda aka Macv" (Macv)

more testimonials

Memoir of an Insider

A look into the everyday life of a Woman trapped inside her own Mind.

Life's limits defined..so lost

Jun 02 2012

Why am I so broken? The simple things everyone does on a daily basis are proven to be harder for me. My illnesses are starting to effect the only relationship i have managed to not screw up. I want to be better now! I know you cant rush the mind, and rushing leads to relapse i just wish there was a magic wand to make things better.

My boyfriend keeps thinking i am just being difficult and not going to pay our rent out of laziness. How can i make him see its not me thats not able to go and pay it, its my illness preventing me. He feels its an excuse i am using on a daily basis for not doing things outside of the house. Its not true, i long to go outside, i yearn for the comfort of friends company. day after day i sit and stare out my window wishing i could just go out there and feel the grass on my toes.

we fought yesterday all day long over finances. I am on S.S. so i make the bare minimum. I have been telling myself i am goin to ask for a pension but everytime i get the courage i convince myself that the doctor is going to say that its because i am lazy not because i cannot function in society. My boyfriend is forever on me to just go and ask, it would help out with the bills i have pilling up.

i am quickly falling into another hole, it seems bleek and meaningless. I am about to just give up and put myself in a mental ward so i dont burden anyone else. no issues, no problems, no finger pointing.... i can hate myself in a white room... i know its just the illness talking but i dont know what else to do other then hurting myself to snap out of this and maybe get a clear thought pop in my head. ahhhhhh

Health Topics: PSTD, selfinjury

Previous diary posts by DeslateFlwer:

Smiling through the pains
Life, does it exists for us Rapunzels?

As i dip my toes in..
Bewildered beauty

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by scorpioj, June 02, 2012

Please don't harm yourself in any way, get help if you need some counselling. Don't give up! You will get out of this hole, things will get better, the sun will come out again. You are not a burden, you are worthwhile and still have so much to contribute. Finances or lack thereof really do make life a difficult challenge, but you can adapt and adjust. Ask for the money and forget about what the Dr. thinks. What matters is what you need to meet your basic needs. With some extra support you will be able to venture out and take care of business.
Take care& hugs,
scorpioj

written by kildare56, June 05, 2012

Regarding your statement that your boyfriend constantly ask you to apply for this other benefit, it sounds like s good move to make. On the other hand, your comment about how doing so would help with the "bills I have piling up" is interesting. Does he not have bills? Unless you are living together, he has no right to comment. If you are, why doesn't he write out some checks temporarily to help you out?