Memoir of an Insider

Morning Diary, 

Cant sleep this morning i feel as tho i have lost sence of time. Dozed off and on around 3am and woke steady again at 7am. My hand has been starting to hurt extremly bad.  I was in tears for about 2 hours last night from the pains in my hand. Started to hurt again just now so i have put an arm tension band on hopefully it lets up soon.

Days seem to get longer for me. Bordem sets in very quickly when you live in your apt 24/7. I enjoy drawing and reading but i cant seem to bring myself to do either. The pains i have keep me from getting off the couch to often so most of the day i spend sleeping. Less thoughts and less pains when you sleep.

 Been having alot of thoughts about when i was younger. Why cant i remember anything anymore.The things i do remember are very hazy and vague. Not that i want to really remember all the horrible things but i want to be able to work through them eventually but how can i if i cant get the thoughts to even come to mind. I fear that if i try to remember to hard that things will get mumbled .Bits and pieces come back to me when something "Reminds" me of a memory.

I tried to clone a plant i have been growing and i failed at it miserably. killed all the clones i just hope my plant doesnt die from me cutting the branches off. i dont have a green thumb in the least and it makes me proud of myself that its lived this long and i guess i was being a bit over proud thinking i can clone it and make more i can be proud of -sigh- baby steps i gotta keep telling myself!