|Jun 08 2012|
Woke up today after a much much much needed sleep. was shooting for 1pm but missed it by 2 hours. My spine was in an extreme amount of pain as i hobbled around doing my wake up rituals. Lit up a jayto help soothe the pains(which worked surprisingly). I pump myself up in my mind that today i am going to go for the walk i been promising my BF for over a month now. I go get dressed come sit on the couch and stare at the floor in complete amazment that i went and got dressed. thinking i am really going to do this, heck i dont care if i only go outside my window at least i know i can do it!
My bf looks over at me and asks me why i am stareing at the floor. I reply i was in deep thought, he asks about what? I say i want to go for our walk i am just thinking of where to go. He llooks at me confused and puts goes to put his shoes on. Goes to grab his wallet an i ask where we are going. He replies I am going to josh's(his friend who lives rather far from us). Its a little too far to walk for me, i said. he goes i know. so i went and got back into my pajamas and just cried my little eyes out so discouraged and hurt that he would brush me off. he has been complaining that i dont go outside and do things with him. he wants to be like everyone else and have his GF at things with him. but when i try to he pushes me away and makes plans elsewhere doing things i cannot attend.
When we broke up eariler this year he had brought the "new GF" to meet all his friends. i've been with him for 10 years and ive never been to his friends houses(not because i wont go he wont invite me), then argues with me that i wont go with him to his friends houses making me feel like i was the one who didnt want to go.
Does he secretly enjoy me being broken so he can have a life outside the home and have a happy relationship inside the home? If that is so then why did he break up with me in the first place. Its a very complicated love life i live in.
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