|Oct 15 2010|
Again, in hindsight, I see my husband was acting strangely. He was sleeping less, agitated, talking nonstop. My Mom had emergency surgery just a week before. Between her and my friend, I was leaning very heavily on my husband but not really paying attention to what was happening with him. I just didn't see it at the time.
I needed him so badly and he was really there for me in a way he had not been for a long time. That alone should have been a clue. I thought the anti-depressant was working. I had no idea what mania looked like or that there was a family history of BP Disorder. Agoraphobia. That's all we thought it was.
Now I mourn my dear friend but it's also wrapped up in the pain of having lost my husband. It was two days after the funeral that he ended us. I needed him. He left me. Blamed me. Hurt me beyond measure. Yet I sit here longing to hear from him. Talk to him about the loss. The pain. He has not spoken to me since he left nearly a year ago.
RIP my friend and RIP my marriage. May I find peace with both losses.
Talk about crazy
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