I haven't written in here for a long time. Not sure really what to even say. The pain is still going up and down. The usual 'good days' and 'bad days'.

I had the flu lastweek. It lasted 8 days. Absolutely horrible. I don't wish this flu bug on anyone.

Last night was one of 'those' nights. You know- the ones that you are very thankful NOT to experience very often. - I hurt SO bad when I went to bed. At midnight, I was still awake, crying, nauseous, and having panic attacks. I got into the tub full of hot water and then "hoped" I'd be able to get to sleep after that. I did finally go to sleep. But woke up needing my husband's assistance in getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. Went back to sleep, but needed him again to get me some potent pain pills. Then when he went to work, I was hurting so bad that I couldn't move. It was horrible!

It's like we're always in pain. Then every once in awhile, the pain shoots to a radiating 10+! Then we remind ourselves how the pain of a 7 actually isn't all that bad.

I really should have had my hubby take me to the hospital. I feel so guilty though, cause I don't want to disrupt our teenage daughter's life any more than I already have. I know that I would have ruined her day. She would have fret and worried all day long. I just couldn't do that to her. At least not today.

Well, after all that, I was simply left with an annoying headache. Which I've now had 4 days in a row. Those are really getting old! The Vitamin B-2 really seems to help. But here lately, I must be so stressed out and so overwhelmed that they don't do any good.

Headache is gone for now. :-) I can only hope for a better night tonight, and a better day tomorrow.

Oh! And I'm pretty sure it was all weather related. We had humidity, cold, rain, thunder, and then snow. Yuck!

I don't hurt today. - April fools!

I'm so tired of chronic pain and fatigue. I KNOW that it's never going to end and that I need to learn to "just deal with it". But how? It's really getting to me emotionally. There are so many things that I struggle daily to do, and so many things that I just can't do. (I hate that word- can't.)

I try SO hard to be a possitive person, and I am when I'm around others. But quite frankly, it's so exhausting trying to keep up that "fakeness". I mean, my famly knows and they understand. It's so emotionally draining.

We went to a retirement party this weekend. I had to rest all day, just to be able to make myself go. Once we got there, I plastered that fake smile on my face. Of course, when they'd ask how I'm doing- I'd lie. I mean, really, they don't actually want to know. They're just being nice in asking. The whole time we were there, I was in pain- trying to sit in that chair for an hour. Ouch! And carrying on a conversation. Ugh!

I just hate it!

I SO wanted to try and write in this diary every day. I love having this tool, and was hoping to use it more to keep track of my life, pain, etc. Unfortunately, that's not happening!

I've been in a lot of pain lately. Guess that's really nothing new. I've had some horrendous stress issues. And we all know that stress, pain, fibro- they don't work well together.

I don't go back to the rheumy for another couple months or so. But I'm gonna have to get back in there and try to see the phycisian's assistant. I definitely am needing another cortisone injection in my hip, before my regular appt. with the rheumy.

Just wish there was something they could do for my shoulders and arms. I can usually tolerate the pain in my legs. But the rest of my body.....NO!

Okay, done venting/complaining. The sun was shining today, at least for a little bit. The sun has been a rare thing, so it was great having it shine!

I woke up this morning in SO much pain. I took my usual Tramadol, but this feels like it's gonna be a Hydrocodone day. I don't have too many of those. But Youza! The pain already this morning!

Been having restless nights. Lots of dreaming. Last night I actually woke up and had a spider or bug in my hair! Yuck! For Real! This is like the second time in the past 3 months that I've had a bug on me in the middle of the night. The last time, I threw the thing (like a whole foot, heeehee) and I heard it smack the wall. He was obviously able to walk away though, cause he was no where to be found the next morning. Last nights spider or bug, was fat- all I wanted to do was get it off me, so I threw it on the floor. Again, no where to be found this morning.

I'm SO tired. I hope I am able to get past the pain to take a little snooze later today. It just bites! It's supposed to be sunny and mid 50's today. We've had such a long winter, and the sunshine helps. But not today, I guess, cause I'm hurting like no other.

I haven't written in my diary for quite a while, so this might be long.

I've had the flu-like bug for a week now. It just keeps lingering and adding body parts to the issue. Really wantingNOT to go to the doctor, but I may end up doing so.

The winter blue's.... I'm starting to see the sunshine coming. By the end of the week, it's supposed to be about 60 degrees. YAY! The only bad part is the flooding that's gonna come with it. But the warmth and sunshine is gonna be great on the fibro body! I mean, we all know that it's never actually "great". But it's certainly gonna be a little bit better. The cold has just been wreaking havoc on my body.

Been seeing the psychologist for a couple months now and I still really like him.

Hoping to hear something soon from SSA. My case is in a pre-hearing, the on-the-record stage. Not sure that it's gonna go through this round. But, sine I actually have a judge now. Hopefully, it won't be much longer. And my doctors are all backing me, so that's helpful.

Found out that the grandbaby is gonna be a boy. We're getting anxious for July to come. A part of me is sad though...I'm never gonna be able to pick up my grandbaby. At first, I will be able to hold it when someone puts him in my arms. But, I'm not gonna be able to hold him when he's heavier. Not gonna be able to actually babysit or anything like that either. I can't really sit on the floor to play.....whole thing makes me bummed and sad, just thinking about it.

Well, I need to get to bed and take care of this flu stuff. Wanted to go to water therapy tomorrow. Actually, I've been wanting to go for a week now. But haven't made it since I've been sick. And it seems like I've missed so much water therapy, due to weather, doctor's appts., extreme pain, or illness. Guess I'll just take my own advice and -continue to take it one day at a time.

Another annoying headache today. They aren't feeling quite like what I usually experience though. So I'm wondering if it's a part of the 'bug' that's been going around. If so, if the headache is all I get for a flu bug- I can handle it. Lots of the flu bug going around in our community.

Lots of pain in general today, all over my body. I'm probably about an 8 on the pain scale. I'm sure it's due to the weather (we had more ice, snow, and cold today), normal fibro stuff, and some stressful things I'm dealing with.  

Really bad headache today. Not a migraine, just an annoying headache. I'm sure I'm gonna be going to bed with the darn thing, just hope I don't wake up with it tomorrow.

Kindanauseous- not sure if it's from the headache, stress, or meds. Or all these.

Guess I get to complain about the weather again. Today we got our rain, freezing rain, and now snow- just like the weather people said we'd get. They said that by the time we're done, we'll have had over 50" of snow this winter. Yuck!

My pain has been awful today. Forgot some doses of pain meds in the middle of the day. Now I'm paying for it tonight.

YAY! There's sunshine today and it's 32 degrees! Unfortunately, the heatwave isn't gonna last. We're supposed to have cold, freezing rain, and snow this coming week again.

With the sunshine and slight warmth though, I can already feel that my body appreciates it. I'm not hurting as bad as usual. So I'll take a couple of days of it! That's better than none!

Tomorrow, our daughter has a volleyball tournament. Not to far away. But this one is gonna involve bleachers. Ugh! I just hope that for her sake, I can make it through the day. But at least it's not that far away- so if needed, I can come home and rest, then go back.

Got my hair done Thursday night. That always makes me feel a little better too.

So, I guess that overall, consider.... today is a good day! I'll just brace myself for the next week.

Hope my fibrofriends have more painless days to come.

Well, after the weekend from....well, the cold and back.... -I'm starting to feel a little more like my Fibro-self. Each day is getting a little better. So my pain level is lowering from the 10+ that I was experiencing. I truly wish the clinic would have been opened when we came back from the weekend. I seriously could have used the shot (of something).  Monday, I could hardly get out of bed to even go to the bathroom. Tuesday was a little better, and Wednesday a little better yet. Today, is much, much better.

I napped and soaked, and napped and soaked some more. Thank goodness for a bathtub, hot water, and epsom salts!

I'm glad to be back and visiting with my Fibro friends. I've missed chatting with them. And have been working on catching up with them today.

Went to Minnesota this weekend, our daughter had a volleyball tournament there. Again, such crazy weather to complain about! Keep reading if you like- I talk about the near accident we had...

It takes approx. 4 hours to get there. On the way there, the only thing making us take so long to get there- was me. We had to stop like every 20-30 minutes so that I could move around and stuff.

On the way home, it took almost 8 hours. There were literally 'at least' a hundred cars in the median and ditch. There were probably 500 semi's that were parked on the exit/entrance ramps, rest areas, parking lots, etc.

There was SO much ice and snow, then with the wind. It was awful. - We almost stopped part way for the night. But couldn't because all the motels along the interstate were full.

Now the near accident part- Thank goodness my husband keeps a safe distance from other vehicles. A car ahead of us kept spinning and spinning. We thought we were going to crash into him. But he did end up in the median, but along the side of the road- of course, facing the wrong direction. Well, that's not all of it! As this car had just gotten off the road, a semi was passing us. And no, it couldn't be hauling food or something- It had to be hauling fuel! And had that car not gotten off the road- well, you can imagine what would have happend. It would not have just been us that hit the car, the truck too. And, if the truck would have lost it and started fishtailing or something! Oh my Gosh! My family probably wouldn't be here today.

It was after 1AM when we got home. But I'm so thankful my family is safe.

Today, I pretty much slept the day away- and I'm ready for bed now. Doubt I'll have any troubles sleeping through the night tonight.

My body was hurting really bad this weekend. And although I didn't have to sit on a bleacher, and was able to sit in a lawn chair. Still... (well, I probably should never have gone).

Tonight, my body isn't aching as much as this morning. This morning, I was hurting so bad, I could hardly move. Oh- and on the way home last night, at about 45 min. from home- had the clinic been open (it usually is, but wasn't because of the weather), I'd had my husband stop because I needed a shot of something for the pain. I was in tears.

My daughter's team did get approx. 26th I think. There were approx. 80 other teams at the tournament. So, they did pretty well. This is a once a year thing- with teams coming from lots of surrounding states. There were even several teams from Canada there. It was pretty cool.

Well, I'm gonna go soak in the tub and head off to bed again. Do hope all my fibro friends are hanging in there.

Oh yeah, we did get another several more inches of snow. There are drifts in peoples yards that are higher than their cars. We haven't had a winter like this in years. No school again tomorrow. Those poor kids are gonna end up going all summer.

Wow! My mom has been gone almost 11 years. And today, I just lost it. I needed her so badly and she wasn't here. I know she's with me. But I needed her to help with some issues. She was alwaysgood at helping me with issues (whether I wanted it or not). She seemed to always know "all" the options. She would bring to my attention things I'd not thought of. And I needed her insight today.  :-(

I'm feeling a little better tonight since my hubby and daughter have been home. And my other daughter who lives a little over an hour away, she came to see me. So yeah, I'm feeling better. Just a little sad now.

Time does help the healing process of grieving. But wow! Those emotions can show up at any time!

I actually made it to the pool two days in a row! And it's only Tuesday! I really needed to do this. I was out of my routine and feeling horrible both mentally and physically. And although, goingout into the cold, snowy weather wasn't any relief- the warm 92 degree water was great. I'm gonna try and go again Thursday.

Reason I think I made it in more ways than one is because I've been so stressed out, depressed, and hurting. -Even though I'm still hurting, I feel like a different person today.

We're gonna get another approx. 3" of snow. Yippy! (Not!) --- I told my husband tonight. I'm really ready for Spring, then I can complain about my allergies. I'm getting bored complainingabout the cold and snowy weather.

Pain level is pretty high today. Gotta soak in the tub and get to bed.

I hate the cold weather. It seriously wreaks havoc on my body. All I do in this diary is complain, complain, complain! Guess it's better than venting to my family.

I'm getting ready for bed. Sure hope tonight is better than the last couple of nights. The pain has been so bad. Sleeping, well, it's not an issue getting to sleep cause I'm so exhausted. But staying asleep. Youza! I just wake up in pain numerous times a night.

Hoping that everyone is surviving the weather. We all seem to have our share of miserable weather. Hope everyone is taking care.

Saw my psychologist today. It went well. I'm not quite as stressed out, worried, or at least not feeling quite as overwhelmed as I have been. We'll see how long it lasts though.

Yippy! It's snowing again! We've had a little over 40" of snow this winter. I know I've said it before, but I'm really ready for Spring.

So sleepy- probably stress and the weather. Guess I'll go soak in the tub, eat some supper, and sit in my recliner a while.

I'm so depressed today. I'm not even gonna go there. Just glad I have a wonderful, loving family.

I'm not sure how much snow we already have on the ground. And I feel, well actually I know, I'm constantly complaining in my diary about the weather. Well, today and tomorrow we're expectingan additional 11+ inches of snow. Our Iowa this year is just absolutely crazy! I hate it! It's so cold, dreary, snowy, sometimes icy, etc. It just makes a person more tired, depressed, and put into extreme pain and agony. I don't think anyone is more ready for Spring than I am.

The weekend was a tough one for me physically. But it was fun! We went to visit my brother and his family. They live about 1-1/2 hours from us, and we don't see them often. We ate lunch with themat their home, then went to a college ballgame. The next day we went to my daughter's volleyball tournament. Took 3 hrs. to get home because of severe weather. -I'm a little sore/achy and very tired today. But I "think" it was all worth it.

Hoping this week will be better than the past few. "Trying" and not always succeeding, but really trying to be optimistic for better days, and weeks to come.

Weather: Icy conditions today with more ice and snow to come. :-(

Yay! The weekend is finally here and I get to spend some time with my family. And out of this small little town. I've had so many migraines this week and I really need a stress-free day or two. Can't wait.

Yesterday it was 50+ degrees. Seriously! And today it's 30 degrees BELOW windshield. It's absolutely crazy! -- This darn weather is causing so much pain. (I really need to move to a warmer climate. LOL!)

I'm feeling mentally and physically exhausted. After spending the weekend taking care of a very ill, very old, kitty- we had to put her to sleep this morning. She was 18 years old. Sad time at ourhouse. -I can't talk about it now or I'll start crying again. I will only say that I'm glad she's not suffering any more.

A friend of mine and I went out today for a little fun. About ten years ago, we started this thing we're once a year around Christmas time, we would go away for the weekend without our spouses and children. We usually drove to the Mega Mall or would go to the Amana's. But of course, now we don't do that. I'm not able to get around that good. We still do "something" every year. And as you can see, we're to the end of January and hadn't done anything yet. So today, we took off around 11am, drove to the city, went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch, went to see the movie Juno, then had some dessert and came home.

The sad thing is.. I feel that I need to prepare myself mentally for tomorrow. I just know I'm gonna really pay for today. I hate it! But, even though it was short lived, it was fun!

I'm gonna go soak in the tub here in a little bed and get off to bed early.