| Aug 21 2008 |
I feel so alone and empty, everything i have been through i feel like im alone all the people in my life since i was a little girl all grow fangs and are monsters and the few that are human and have been kind im so afraid of them that i limit my contact with them its like i want to preserve the good memories that i have with them and fear that if i get to close they will start to morph into monsters to. I dont want to be a victim i hate it. i close my eyes and envision a strong woman that is independant and not afraid and i want to become her but ,the fear never goes away. maybe its me maybe i make people bad maybe i ask for it. I cant even spen one night alone if my boyfriend goes away for a night to go fishing with his friends and im alone in our house i get so scared. I hate it when he is not home. i hate being in rooms alone even if he is home i get scared taking a bath. I cry all the time i just feel so sad. I have always been sad. im 21 yrs old now and my whole childhood i was miserable. i am a christian and Jesus has helpe me so much but inside i feel this hole and i think its becuase i hold everything in and its killing me. sometimes i feel so sad that i close my eyes and cry and scream and beg God to just tkae me home to heaven i would NEVER commit suicide but i would just beg for him to just spweep me up intio heaven so i can be with him. where there is no more pain or sorrow and just gods love everywhere. and then i realize that i love life and being here i just hate the things that have happened to me.....i dont know how to move on.....i just wish that none of it ever happened..........and that is was all a bad nightmare.
Comments (1)
Baby Girl, i don't know everything that you have been though but I can tell you this, You are letting your past keep you in the past. What happen, happened for a reason. But you have got to let it go. You are letting your past run your life. You have a whole life ahead of you, but you will never know that life until you stand up to your past and tell it to step aside and let the new you go through. Take your past and use it. You did not go though all that bad just for it to run your life. You can defeat this. Think about this. When you have children are you going to let them walk all over you and let them tell you how your going to run your life. I very seriously dought it. So pick up that head and push your past into a closet and put a paddlock on. Because you are in control of your life and as long as you keep control you will never have to worry about your past controling you any more. You are the winner, you are in control of your life, not your past. You can control the present and the future but you cannt change the past.
Leave a comment
You must be logged in to leave a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.
