Been in a funk since i had words with my sister the other day. havent been able to snap out of it. her attiitude is that since dad is dying anyways, we should let him do whatever he wants, regardlessof whether it "speeds his death along" adn i disagree. She took him out to eat and to the casino for 5 hours the other day. he was so exhausted when he came home she joked and said she thought she "killed him". so the next time he wants to go eat and do the same thing she sets it all up for all of us to take him but backs out at the last minute cuz "she" doesnt want to stay at the casino that long. i reminded him of how tired he was and recommended he pick just one (eat out or casino) cause it was so hard on him last time. when i talked to her about it she was like "so you're making his decisions  for him now" and i'm like "no, i'm just concerned and wanted to point out how tired he was and gave him my opinion" and she was like "well i disagree and if going to the casino makes him happy and he dies at the casino, then at least he'll die happy." and i'm like well if we follow your logic then we shouldnt give him his meds or oxygen either becuz he doesnt want to take them, and whe's like oh no, he needs his oxygen...........fricken hypocrite!! well since then i've been kinda in a funk, telling myself, well fine then just die. i know it's wrong, but i hurt and i hate to see him hurt and she's not the one that had to deal with him when he comes home, barely able to breath, completely wiped out and we're begging him to take his meds and oxygen cuz he's laboring to breath. now my mom is laying to me cuz i'm not as attentive to him as i was before. At first i took most of the burden off of her and now i'm walking around in a foggy daze. i'm in a funk that i dont quite know how to get out of. then today i started my menses adn i have endometriosis II so i coulnt even get out of bed this mroining cuz the pain was so bad, so now she's laying into me about missing work adn when i tell her my brains not all here and that she just needs to tell me what to do, she doesnt understand and lays into me even more, which after a week, yeah i do know the daily routine, but she's so damned picky about things (like not wanting me to wash clothers) half the time i dont know what to do. and now my insides hurt i'm drugged up on ty 3's. i refuse to spend 30$ to go to the doc again so she can just tell me i need surgery again. i dont know. i dont know i dont know..............