I haven't been around since October it appears. So much health wise going on. I turned 45 on Dec.12th.I went out dancing and had a blast. My first time in so many years..

My painmeds have been increased yet again. I can't tolerate vitamin d due to severe kidney stones so therefore I a have really bad bone pain,rheumatoidism is rearing it's ugly head causing some nastiness in my muscles, and my body is bruising and getting these various sized nodules throughout my limbs which also cause pain, trigeminal neuralgia is in my face with a vengence and boy it's the most aweful pain. It makes you want to crack your face up with a hammer and rip the nerve endings out by the roots. I manage thru my days with this type of pain. No relief in site. No one med working and then there's the kidney pain that increases with movement. How can I not move with a 9 year old grandson to raise?

If any of these symptoms sounds familiar or hits home let me know maybe we can help one another get thru it. God has answered my Paryers with a wonderful team of new doctors. They're not afraid to admit they're baffled by my symptoms and they won't stop looking for an answer either...

I must visit more often, I'm not signed out of the site I just am unable to sit at the computer at times. I am working on changing to a new location in the house where I'm comfy..Until  2morrow my friends be as well as possible. Love and Prayers to everyone, old and new to our site..You're in the right place...

Mowse

My #'s will not go up...continuing to drop at their own pace..making me weaker and weaker. totally out of my control. I don't know what to do. I have no appetite and no energy. No appetite should mean I'm loosing weight but NO I gained 7lbs. in 6 days..could that be the huge twisting bulge of my intestines or the swelling of my bladder causing me to use the bathroom all hours of the night? I fell out across my bed fully dressed at 3:45pm yesterday..i was suppose to go out for my niece's movie night for her birthday but i couldn't move...i finally got up tonite at 10pm to put on something comfortable. Every Friday i have an iron transfusion at the hematologist and yesterday my hemaglobin was at its lowest ever. My bp was at its highest of 172/112 after taking all of my bp meds for the entire day at night..What do I do? I am at a scary place right now..at times, kidneys,liver,heart, shortness of breath, bladder pain,bone pain,trigeminal neuralgia, migraines,teeth falling out,constipation, dark urine,increased lumps in both breasts,unable to focus to drive car, blurry vision,nausea, dizziness,bumping into things when i walk, seizure like tremors returning, pain making me loose my mind, i cry until i can longer breath thru my nose, it seems like all of this stuff still isn't enough i have to suffer some more....i don't get it, however i take it..there's a plan for me, God has a plan for me and i have to be STRONG, i have to face it ALL..I live, I Pray and I keep the FAITH...

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Been going throug alot lately...My iron is dropping every week the # gets lower. I barely have enough energy to breath..Started iron transfusions last Friday,was down to 8 at that time. Retest on Friday the 25th. and new transfusion. Marrow's not making red blood cells, body's not absorbing vitamins/minerals needed to survive and /or fight off cancers. Both kidneys now have stones again. Bladder has 2 stones enlarged inside...WoW! the Pain!...Bladder is the size of a healthy tropicana orange,  cysts & lesions on my liver have increased in number and size, teeth have started chipping off again, Due to iron being so low and rest off blood dangerously low I am unable to get out of bed sometimes...Now heres the whopper..my intestines are twisting due to scar tissue from bypass surgery..getting to point where it's leaving me severely bloated with difficulty breathing, a nasty pain in my chest with vomitting up food i can no longer digest due to the fact that I'm full.I go without a bowel movement from days to weeks to months sometimes, I'm unable to pass gas and when I do it smells of an old dead person, bm's are in skinny slivers when and if they do happen,There's a pain like no other..My gastro doc says" Unfortunately" I'll have to hospitalized and fed by I.V. and /or have affected portion of intestines removed.."Unfortunately"..he kept using that word over and over again..So I focus on everything at once: the stones, intestines, iron or lack there of, my bladder's war with the stones that won't come out and when they do move..OOOUUUCH!!! So that means some type of surgical removal or whatever they do..either situation you look at seems to spell out hospital time...So, does any of this sound familiar to anyone out there...please let me know...Sometimes I feel as if I'm loosing my battle with depression and I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted...I do have my sons Daniel and Rell..my awesome support team..but sometimes I feel like a burden to them..they get upset when I say that..so  sshhh, don't tell them I said that...Be well my friends, always in my PRAYERS

Mowse,

It's 6am on Monday, Labor Day. I have not been to sleep however I plan on going to Jamesport Beach this afternoon around 1 pm. I will be with my sons and other family members who'd like to attend...going to nap now then get this show on the road. Will let you know how it goes later when I return.

 Yadda, yadda yadda, doo...awful battle with kidney stones on Saturday.Very ugly experience but my sons hung in there with me as they do always.Dric's in Ga. but Dan and Rell are here. Gus helped also, i appreciated it too from him.Now Sunday was a good and today, Monday is a Beach or Bust day...

I love all that God provides for me and my family...always.tremors are effecting hands now fingers all over the keys have to keep going back and correcting myself..be well my friends  and love God more than you love yourself.....

Mowse ( BP: 154/112)

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Head ha s been beating its own drum all day..sometimes so loud it either wakes me up or I am unable to get to sleep..2 am now....and the beat goes on....eyes are burning and puffy, they even ache which is a new one."achey eyes" ....talk to you all tomorrow//be well and God Bless

Today, I've been up since 11 am. It's 12:14 am and I'm still going..ok barely..lol. had alot of pain in my finger tips and toes..ankles and knees did their thing today also.

Sharp  pains on r/s of head just above r/ eye. I still swell up in ab area like my food can't go down..Twisting intestines are really making me nervous, I get sick whenever I eat now. Can only eat alittle at a time...

sharp pains on r/side in kidney area are increasing again..My stones are back due to vitamin D increase..not pleasant experience at all..will let Dr.S and Dr.P know ASAP..more tests to come, oh boy!

due to osteomalacia i'm beginning to loose teeth again..they started cracking and shifting like b4 and the trigeminal neuralgia is getting nasty too.

What P.O's me is that everything is happening at the same time it's all overlapping...think I'm loosing my mind it's so unreal, unbelievable..

I apologize for the complaining but it all hit me at once. The realization of everything and the fact that whenever I give blood I'm diagnosed with another situation,,sometimes it's hard to stay focused and positive..I'm positive, I know I have to be but I get so tired of having to work at it all the time I just  want to be...regular..I don't know what I'm looking for right now..does anyone get what I'm trying to say?? If you do please let me know...O.K Mowse you have mumbled along for at least 200 words.. I think this is my 1st time loosing it here...Felt kinda good for a change I think my problem is I always try to keep it 2gether...Thank You God..You know me best

  When I went to bed on Friday(8/7) I stayed there until Tuesday(8/12). Getting up to use the bathroom of course, when I couldn't hold it any longer.This happened alot in the past however now, I don't feel guilty,well not as much.I tell myself that if this is what I need to get "me" 2gether then this is what I will do..I slept alot and actually felt refreshed. The kids were out,the house was quiet..Yes I could of went to the movies,fishing or one of the many things I want to do on my own but this particuliar time I WANTED to rest..really REST..so I DID..Proud of me...

Now the down side...those dog-gone 'tremors',mycolonus, low grade seizures...I don't know what to call them. All I know is that it all starte with shaky hands, then arms. Jerking of the head came next, thenbiting of my tongue..waking in my sleep after a very painful jerk of my body,then waking after I hit the floor. The 1st time I figured I just fell out of bed. by the 3rd time after banging my head on the table b4 hitting the floor.I knew this was not good..then it happened not only when i was sleep but now while I'm awake, walking, talking, sitting whenever...it's just more painful when I'm unaware...neuro docs try to say" due to meds" but this started b4 meds...now I'm on klonopin prn..started on low dosage when episodes happens ,having to increase now due to episode are growing and intensity of jerks/tremors are picking up...Everytime I think i have one condition some what do'able it either worsens or something new pops up...

Hey what do you do?

You Pray and deal with it..and NO it's not easy at all...of course I cry my eyes out....until I can't see...then I fight some more...

thank you for listening and being my friend..does this sound like you?

let me know...

Mowse..

God Bless you all. 

Weather was a bit off today so the beach wa a no go...relaxed til' soccer practice and we did see the bball game @ 8pm. Nightly italian ice p/u and home we went....Dull aches were here all day however snoozin off & on did help..didn't even take a vicodin 'es' 2day.I just didn't let anyone bother me.. it means alot to me when i can do that and stick to it..promised me I wouldn't stay up all nite on computer..lol.

pains of the day: headache and  face /nerve pain: hands,ankles,intestinal cramping more than usual 2day:uncontrollable feet/legshands: nausea nasty's: no appetite,made self eat: teeth are crackin'shifting more 2day:rashes from fentanyl patches on arms are here again...

See my cardio dude 2morrow..gotta get my jog on...lol

God, I thank You for bringin me thru another beautiful day..Amen

  I went to Splish Splash water park last week....had a blast. Then I paid for it. I knew I was going to. That's how it is,sacrifice for a good time. Sometimes I can get a day or two out ofit but no matter what I'm gonna have to pay for it. I don't mind tho' I make sure I have an AWESOME time. The park took place on Wednesday and on Saturday I went to the movies, on Saturday night when I went to bed I did not or I should say COULD NOT get out of bed. Pic any part of my body and I was suffering..but my grandson had a great time...We missed the return trip on this Monday (yesterday) but he said" Don't worry Nannie we'll do something another day when you're feeling better...That brings us to Wednesday our beach day..I'm rested and excited and ready to go. My head has been throbbing on low all day..the dull ache on the lower left side of my back is persistant but I've been handling it. Now the beach......  I love the beach, the salt water makes my body feel so good...I relax on the shore and breath in the fresh sea air.Then go splash in the water with all the little kiddies on the beach..

Soccer practice starts today too @ 5p-6:30pm then there's the summer league basketball league game at 7 or 8 pm.

This is a small sample of what a school day is like for me..i'll let you know tomorrow night how i'm doing..I Pray before I even leave my house for the day..and I Thank God for the strength He's given me to even get up everyday....

May all who read my diary be equally Blessed..for through God all things are possible...It's 4 am I better get some sleep, my beach crew will be arriving @ 11 am...

I finally remembered that I had a place to go when I needed help and guidance.I promised myself that I'd write on a daily and like I always do I become to busy to do anything for myself...Well, I changed the location where I store my important files so now I'll see this site whenever I log on..

I'm going to update my page and bring it up to date before I start to contact others. So, I appreciate any and input from you all. I've alot of new diagnoses. Changed doctors back on April 2008 and it was the best move I ever made. Since that time I've been to several specialists. Just this last week I had a week off from doctors. I will be listing their findings soon and the course of action they want to take. The most important thing is when I first started seeing Dr.S he said" I don't know what is going on with you but you and I are a team and with your help I will do all that I can for you". He  helped me put together a team of doctors that found results in a short period of time. I spent 8 years with one doc and he did nothing but drug me up with powerful meds. that didn't work.

So, I'm here to stay through pain and cheer.....laughter and tears..

All be well and have a good night

God Bless

Mowse

Today I realized I need to check in with my diary alot more often. Too much is going on now for me to try and figure it all out in my head. I have more tests to do and results are in. some of them. You no when something is wrong when your doc calls you 8 pm to TALK about the results. Wasn't home so gotta wait til 2morrow..sshhhew..

I am more focused on my health.On living my life regardless of how painful it is or how much more painful it'll become. I am  afraid but I am happy also. I love me enough to not let anyone hurt me anymore. Fibromyalgia does a great job all by itself.

My boys are wonderful to me. They take care of me and love me unconditionally. My animals understand it when I can't play with them. We all nap together...lol.

I look forward to my new home here with my new friends living, crying, sharing and learning about one another, helping each other thru rough times and celebrating the good times and negative test results.

God I thank You for the strength You Blessed me with today...

Amen

I'm forgot about this place and what I was suppose to do here.
I was brought back for a reason..
I'm finding my way home.
A lot has taken place since 10/07..Pain and ailmentshave increased, Dr.'s have been replaced,and I'm headed in a ppositive direction...Will be visiting more often looking to friends old and new for support...May God Bless All who visit this page...God Bless

It's 2:26 am. Time to go to sleep.....I 'm looking forward to using my new found place to grow and learn. To help and be helped.

I feel alot better than I did with the depression earliertoday. I thank God and my grandson Rell for that... I even got alittle work done this evening. God Bless and I love who I am alittle bit more right now....Will be in touch soon..