Lupus Battles

Yesterday was my second dose of the Methotrexate. Last night I started getting really nauseated and had diarrhea. Today the nausea is real bad even after taking promethazine. It does take the edge off a bit, but I feel awful. I hope taking this drug will be worth it in the long run. 

 I will be starting Effexor today after I go get it at the pharmacy here in a few. Rheumy is also having me taking ativan for the tremors the prednisone is giving me. I sure hope the Effexor works because I am really having a hard time coping. I get so sad and cry a lot. I can't handle looking at myself in the mirror anymore because I don't even recognize that person. I am so pale and my face is so fat and swollen. My stomach is also getting fat but the rest of me is skinny so it looks really weird. I know those are just superficial things, but they do affect how you feel. 

 I know my bf notices. He used to tell me I was beautiful all the time and now it is much more rare. I'm sure it doesn't help that our sex life has suffered so much since I've been sick. It is so difficult to want to have have sex when my self-esteem is so low and  I have a 100 degree fever, feel nauseated and all the pain and tremors. As always, I'm worried about losing him because of all of this. I am just hoping the Effexor works a miracle. It is suppose to work within a month. I imagine that will make me gain weight too though.