I still remember the day I brought my daughter home, her insecurity needing to be held constantly not eating and crying constantly i slept 3 hours a day, boy i was one tired mama! I took 3 months off of work to bond she was having issues breast feeding so dad and i bottled feed singrid we did not get much eye contact or smiles she was a very insecure baby at first i blamed my self being a first time mother but i read all the books on how to raise a healthy happy baby and so on they just did not seem to work i brought her back to the doctor continuously they thaught i was crazy but her father and i knew something was not right.  She went to day care the transition was hard for singrid.  she would not play with the other baby that was 3 days younger than singrid, as time went on she would cling to Tiffany our day care provider who was an early ed teacher who decided she did not want to work outside her home.  she did everything to get singrid involved and nothing worked there was 5 little kids in the daycare and she absolutly was struggling.  Singrid excelled in her developmental mile stones til she was 2 all of a sudden it stopped her language cease to exsist she became very clumbsy and my little girl went inside herself .  her father and i had no clue what to do.  shortly after that we became pregnant with her brother at 5 months in uetro we found out Lars had Spina Bifida the doctors gave me the number to the abortion clinic in a nother state my exact expression was to hell with that god gave me this child he will take him if that is what is ment to be until than i will love him til that day comes.  Singrid continued to go down hill she was not excited about the baby til about 8 months than she said it was her baby but was very violent with me physically hitting my tummy, kicking me and such i first thaught it was the transition looking back it was her anxiety she kept saying i would throw her away when the baby was born, I told her no way cutie mommy and daddy love you! we gave more kisses and hugs spent more time reading and playing we made sure we watched everything we said we did not talk about the baby as much.  she continued to decline and receed into her self.  When Lars was born she did awesome  she loved her little brother he was in the hospital for the first 2 years coming home when he was well enough to, larry would bring singrid to the hospital every weekend so i could spend time with her and stayed in a hotel.  we expected more issues they did not come til singrid was about 3 1/2 than my world came tumbeling down singrid tried choking herself ( seeking sensory) stim. I had enough and was worn out i needed help we started bringing into a pshychologist they diagnosed her with ASD we worked very hard on setting up a sensory environment for her and worked for the next 2 years bringing her back out of herself, she has come along ways the meltdowns went from 1 1/2 hours to ten minutes!