He's back in the hospital again |
Jul 15 2012 |
Well as of last night my husband is back in the psych hospital, only this time he went voluntarily. I think it may be because i pretty much told him it was over. I don't want it to be :( i found outhe and this girl, his "friend" have been texting eachother everynight from around 1am to 3 am... Even the. Ight of our anniversary. I love him but i don't deserve this, i have never done anything to him like that. I really want our marriage to work but it's too hard when there is another woman involved that he just wont stop talking to. I try so hard to be a good wife and mother, i work everyday at a job i hate just to keep a roo over our heads, i have pretty much lost all of my friends because i never have time for them anymore more, my hands are full with mith my BP husband. I can't even cry anymore, i just feel numb. I know leaving him will be the right thin to do but it will just be sooo hard on our girls. I don't know if i have the strength in me to leave him, but i also do t have any strength left to fight for him. Im torn and confused and i just want my husban back.
Comments (6)
People always tell me things will get better, but hiw do they know that? How does anybody know that? And what is "better"? I've already lost myself, the person i once was is long gone. I know i need therapy but with a full time job, 2 kids and a husband that i have to take care of, doesnt leVe much time left for myself. I know i need to take care if myself for my girls but its easier said than done. I had a ct scan friday on my andoman and will most likely be having surgery soon, that scares me so much and i have no support for my feelings on that. My health is at risk right now, mentally and physically. I'm so stressed and scared and confused. I'm not getting any younger but i do know that i shouldn't feel THIS old. 41 should be a fun time for me, i've been told 40's are great but i'm not seeing that yet. I really hate bein so negative, it's not who i used to be. I used to be so happy and positive and i had alot of friends. Now im backed into a corner fighting for my life, my sanity. Where did the little girl inside me go? The one with all the dreams and hope and laughter? Those things dont exist for me anymore. I dont care about wealth and status, all i ever wanted was a happy family life, to feel truly loved by someone, that has never happened for me, maybe thats my fault, maybe i cant be loved like that. I honestly dont know what it feels like to look at a man and know without a doubt that i am deeply loved, it hurts not to know what that feels like because i have so much love to give
Princess, you don't need a man to be happy (and I could tell a man here the same about a woman....or to gay members). I was always told (and didn't believe it till it was pretty late in life) that I had to be happy with myself before I could truly be happy WITH someone else.
Your health is at risk? Well, the choice is easy.
Your husband is texting some woman every night between 1 and 3---AND if he wants to be STABLE, he will not be UP at that time. What is RIGHT with this picture? NOTHING.
Right now, you need to get some stability and health in your life. And that means walking away from this man who refuses to get stable enough to stop inappropriate relationships with other women. Why should you put up with this??? Bipolar is NO excuse. Once he has the diagnosis....there is NO excuse.
Right now, give some of all that love you have to give to YOU and to your children. Once you are more on your feet, you might consider volunteering in a cause you are dedicated to, to give your love there. You are giving into a black hole that will NEVER fill up if you keep giving to an unstable bipolar partner. I am sorry to say that, but it is absolutely true.
Your health is at risk? Well, the choice is easy.
Your husband is texting some woman every night between 1 and 3---AND if he wants to be STABLE, he will not be UP at that time. What is RIGHT with this picture? NOTHING.
Right now, you need to get some stability and health in your life. And that means walking away from this man who refuses to get stable enough to stop inappropriate relationships with other women. Why should you put up with this??? Bipolar is NO excuse. Once he has the diagnosis....there is NO excuse.
Right now, give some of all that love you have to give to YOU and to your children. Once you are more on your feet, you might consider volunteering in a cause you are dedicated to, to give your love there. You are giving into a black hole that will NEVER fill up if you keep giving to an unstable bipolar partner. I am sorry to say that, but it is absolutely true.
You're right and i know the truth hurts sometimes. I just don't know if i have the strength in me to leave. It's so hard and i know that's what i need to do to be happy. It just hurts my heart to think of wnding my marriage. I will do what i can to get some help, this is just about the hardest thing i have ever had to do. It makes me sad.
Maybe, just maybe, you filing for divorce will give him the incentive he needs to finally get the help he needs. If you filing for divorce DOESN'T give him that incentive, the relationship was doomed anyway.
I know it hurts to end a marriage. I divorced my first husband. I have about 27 cousins and only TWO of us ever divorced, so it is a HUGE deal in my family. Failure at marriage! I was SOOO ashamed. I also worried SOO much about being that crazy cat lady who lived alone---you know the type (I love ALL animals, but work hours that won't allow for a dog), since I always have cats. I think EVERY woman in her 30s and 40s has these same worries (well, maybe some worry about being the crazy dog lady) about being alone. And you know what? I don't know a single woman in her 60s who is alone who is miserable!!! We also have two older gentlemen friends--straight but unmarried and not interested, thank you very much--who are very happy on their own. I am NOT saying that this will be your life, but that it is just not true that single people are miserable. If you read the studies, they suggest that men in relationships live LONGER and women live longer OUT of relationships. Hmmmm.
Just sayin', Princess.
But my lighthearted (or not so much??) comments aside, it IS hard. The best analogy is this: Take a needle. Now bend it into a hook as best you can. Now stick it down your throat and pull up your guts with it. THAT unlovely (and icky) image is how it feels.
But you CAN recover from it. You CAN.
I know it hurts to end a marriage. I divorced my first husband. I have about 27 cousins and only TWO of us ever divorced, so it is a HUGE deal in my family. Failure at marriage! I was SOOO ashamed. I also worried SOO much about being that crazy cat lady who lived alone---you know the type (I love ALL animals, but work hours that won't allow for a dog), since I always have cats. I think EVERY woman in her 30s and 40s has these same worries (well, maybe some worry about being the crazy dog lady) about being alone. And you know what? I don't know a single woman in her 60s who is alone who is miserable!!! We also have two older gentlemen friends--straight but unmarried and not interested, thank you very much--who are very happy on their own. I am NOT saying that this will be your life, but that it is just not true that single people are miserable. If you read the studies, they suggest that men in relationships live LONGER and women live longer OUT of relationships. Hmmmm.
Just sayin', Princess.
But my lighthearted (or not so much??) comments aside, it IS hard. The best analogy is this: Take a needle. Now bend it into a hook as best you can. Now stick it down your throat and pull up your guts with it. THAT unlovely (and icky) image is how it feels.
But you CAN recover from it. You CAN.
Princess, it is hard. The better may not be "with your husband". It maybe something you have not even seen yet.
The last few months have been the hardest in my life. I loved my wife deeply. There were no problems leading up to her going manic. But one week a light switch was flipped and I became her worst enemy. I have had to move on. I still have relapses. I want to contact her sometimes. I want to ask how this could happen, how she could hurt me and turn her back on me so completely. But I dont. I keep forcing myself to move forward. and you know what? I am better off then I was before. This month is better then last month, and last month was better then the month before. it is one step at a time.
I know it is hard, trust me I know. But you have to think about yourself for it to get better.
The last few months have been the hardest in my life. I loved my wife deeply. There were no problems leading up to her going manic. But one week a light switch was flipped and I became her worst enemy. I have had to move on. I still have relapses. I want to contact her sometimes. I want to ask how this could happen, how she could hurt me and turn her back on me so completely. But I dont. I keep forcing myself to move forward. and you know what? I am better off then I was before. This month is better then last month, and last month was better then the month before. it is one step at a time.
I know it is hard, trust me I know. But you have to think about yourself for it to get better.
Thank you silverlock, this is very hard and i really don't know how you do do it. I admire your strength and courage. I really hope i can get there too
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