| Nov 06 2008 |
two and a half months have gone by since i got the devastating news that my son, chris was killed in a horrible freak accident at work. it seems my grief has not lessened at all, if anything ithas grown. i hurt so much it feels my life is crashing down all around me. it has taken over my whole life. my every thought is wrapped around never seeing him again, his not watching his 3 yr old boy grow up, his never finding the joy of a good woman to marry, all the things he will never be able to do.
everything reminds me of chris. i can't even watch tv. i know it is psychological and/or coincidence, but it seems everything has something that triggers more memories and pain. people dying in similar ways, parents grieving, mannerisms he possessed, etc. or i see a thin young man walking down the street in a dark colored hoody sweatshirt. so many things i couldn't put words to.
with the holidays fast approaching, i wonder how i will survive and whether i even want to. so many people tell me it will get better, the pain will ease with time. but how can i get through this? the here and now is killing what little i have left within me. i don't know where to go from here or if there is even anywhere to go or if i even care anymore.
I am extremely sorry to hear about your loss. I personally have never had anyone that close to me pass away, ive had a great grandfather and a co-worker, but it wasnt like we had a in-depth relationship. all i know is that what you are feeling must be awful, but i want you to know that you are a very strong person. even though you may cry or you may get upset, thant doesnt make you weak. u should stay strong because im sure your son wouldve wanted you to stay strong for you and others around you - never be afraid to cry on someones shoulder - or talk to others about things - dont feel like people get tired of hearing about it or that they dont want to be around you because your sad - they want you to come to them - they want to comfort you - you are not alone - even though you may be tired of hearing time will heal - it does - you will always think about your son - and you should - never forget him or ignore the sadness, but be proud of what he did not what he missed out on - you know? i dont know if this helps you, like i said i dont know the pain you are feeling, but i know that people are always here for you - do not be afraid of moving on - because you wont, you just need to have peace with what happened and eventuallly you will, just hang in there - be strong - cry - laugh - love - LIVE! because everyday counts
sorry if i rambled too much but if you ever need to talk i am here -
We all want happiness for our children and family members and friends too. This life seems to have its own plans though. I lost a VERY dear friend about a month ago. His untimely passing has been very hard and I too think of him all the time. I think I'm glad that Bill passed quickly and then I think of the long agonizing deaths I have known about.
I think about him as bad things happen around the world and am glad that he doesn't have to worry about such things anymore. I think about how hard I work and him resting peacefully now that his earthly time has passed. I wonder if he's somewhere trying to tell me that he's ok and not to worry.
Death may not be the end, it may be the beginning of something brighter, happier and much more meaningful. For those who are gone there is no more pain. The challenge is to find happiness within ourselves. I miss Bill but I will live a richer life because of his passing. If he's watching I want him to be proud of me as I was of him.
Sally
