i don't even know how to describe what is wrong with me.  i don't even know if i can.  if i do i will seem really stupid and could possibly trigger others panics.  i am so lostand depressed.

i wish people would think before they say things to others.  someone who has known about my condition for over 20 years and how i react to things told me something the other day that has me in a panic/depression i can't get out of.  telling me what he did didn't accomplish anything but upset me.  it was something that didn't even need to be said.  something about the aztec (or incan - can't remember which) calendar.  now i can't get out of this mood and don't know if i ever will.  i know i shouldn't even believe what he says, logically anyway.  but a large part of me is stuck in the land of "what ifs" with many stop overs in "whats the use". 

to top it all off my bell's palsy i thought was gone is flairing up again. i feel like i have an icepick stabbing me in my right ear almost constantly. hasn't gotten to my face yet. i don't know if it is normal but i always have the ear pain first. i hope it doesn't get worse. its the last thing i need. :(