Friday Night |
Jan 21 2011 |
I haven't slept well for at least a couple of weeks or more now. When I awake, usually at about 4 or 5 a.m., the first thought I have in my head is Mark...where is he, how is he and from there, I picture awful things that may be happening to him now. He lives (is that the right term?) in Alberta, Canada, and the temperatures can be as low as -40 right now. Past experience tells me that he will not be doing well, may be on the street and/or selling drugs. This time last year, it went really bad and he was arrested and he was very lucky he didn't kill someone or himself. He spent almost the last year in jail. We thought it would smarten him up. What do we know? We were wrong. He went back to it again. How can I ever stop worrying?
Comments (2)
I understand that horrible time awake in the wee hours of the morning with your mind racing....imagining the worst. I use this time to pray for my son and for myself, as well as all of my friends here on MDJ. I'll add you to the list and pray that we can BOTH find peace and happiness. So much of our lives are tied up in their issues. I always tell myself repeatedly that "no news is good news", as I'd always hear from my son at the extreme low points. We all hope and pray that they will change and they DO...but when THEY are ready....not when we are. I know it is heartbreaking...and it sounds like you have had to be very strong through some tough times. Tracy
Thanks Tracy, I really appreciate the support that this group gives. It makes a difference to know that other people KNOW what this pain is like and can relate. I'll try to us the awake time as you do, might as well do something useful with it, the jangle of fear is really loud at that time of the night and I'll also include all of the MDJ folks in mine too. Good plan...thanks again, Teddy
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