Looking for Peace of Mind

As I thought, my mother made the first contact. She wanted to reconcile and I'm honestly not ready to. Plus, I didn't think the phone call was going to going to fix anything either. I have too much resentment for any type of closer to really take effect. Besides, all she was doing was trying to defend herself and pointing the finger. She really didn't realize just how many times she had raised her voice to me in the short time we lived in that place. She really doesn't realize just how much she pushed me away.
Ulitimately, she wanted to know why she couldn't have a relationship with her daughter. Personally, we didn't have a relationship since I was a child. I've survived without her, why should I change that. It would be no benefit. Not yet, at least.
I told her I wanted her to follow through on her resolve to get to know me, Samual and JR. Every opportunity she had she backed out of. So, we didn't bother with her. Not out of spite but because the effort would have only been one-way. She said she thought JR was isolating me. She said her and the nieghobrs there thought he was too clingy. That I don't have friends because of him. I told her flat out that she didn't know me whatsoever.
I was never really one to have friends. I can count on one hand how many "friends" I have every had. I had many aquaitances. And I still do. And they are not in Cleveland. They are in San Diego. I still have contact with them. But now with Samual being Autistic and no babysitter its virtually impossible to go out so of course I can't meet new people here not without there be complications. Still there are people here in the complex that I like to talk to. That's more than enough socialization for me. Plus, I'm making friends with JRs co-workers. They are too much fun. lol
But what caught me off gaurd was that she complained that all I was doing was to ask you to babysit. The only time she actually did it was when I had to take JR to the hospital. Every other time we asked to watch Samual he was asleep. So no work required. She said she wasn't the type of person to take care of someone else's children. Personally, that explains why she couldn't take care of me. It also confirmed that I can really rely on her for anything. When times get tough she disappears and sulks in her cave. She says we see things differently, we see them differently than HER! Her thought process is so different than anyone I have ever met, I've met a lot of people. She takes things so personally and then says she gets over things so easily. What a crock!
Anyway, I'm allowing myself to get angry over a person that really has no influence in my life.

Mom, if you want to be part of this family that means accepting things that you might not want to accept. And if you can't or don't want to do that then we nothing more to talk about. Call me when you are ready to participate in this family. Sorry, that is very harsh but that is my condition.