|Jul 08 2010|
It finally came out. I told Sofia that I can't have a relationship with a woman. I tried to explain that is didn't want to cut off all connection with her but I'm sure she's feelinglike we're pretty much through. That's not what I want. She's so much part of my life that it is un-explainable. It is simply I'm not sexually attracted to women. I can have a plitonic relationship but that's as far as I can go.
I'm such a wreck it's rediculous!!! I know I hurt her terribly but this hurt me too. I know she's afraid of losing me, and that isn't something that needs to be feared but I know when I said what I did it broke her heart. I can't stand it. I feal so cruel, so heartless. This pains me so much that I'm barely able to concentrate. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?????? I'M STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE AND THERE IS NOT A FUCKING THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!
No matter what I do I'm still the bad guy, I'm the one who doing the wrong thing no matter which way I go. I let Sofia down and I'm a horrible person because I hurt her feelings. If I stay in the relationship with her I'm still in the wrong because I'm not being true to myself. The fact is, I can't live without her. She is just that important to me but I'm not a lesbian, I'm not bisexual. And no matter what she is the other half of the genetics of our son. That will never be changed, it can't be changed. We are forever connected in that manner. So, why is this so fucking hard?
I've had enough!!!!!
difficult is for lack of a better term
Samual's on a hunger strike
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