I can hardly take the pain anymore. It has totally affected my life. Over the weekend I decided that going on disaability is what I need to do, at least for a little while. I don't exercise and mydiet isn't helping me any. I need to get into a routine so that this disease doesn't take over my life. I wish there was a group in my area that I can exercise with or even talk with when my symtoms are acting up. Every day is a struggle for me. Just the simplest tasks have become extremely difficult. Yesterday I went to the beach, which is a 2 hour drive from where I live. Just being a passenger was really hard. My body becomes stiff after a short period of time. My doctor now wants me to start taking antidepressants. I already take Lortabs, Elivil, and Lyrica. I think the Elivil is starting to mess with my head. I wake up screaming in the night. All these different meds are making me confused as to what my thoughts are and what the meds are making me think. I cry almost on a daily basis. I feel so alone. Nobody really understands me. My mom is supportive but it is impossible for her to know exactly what I feel every day. Sometimes I just wish it could all be over so I don't have to deal with it anymore.