|Sep 24 2010|
Today is the 27th day in this most recent pain cycle. By pain cycle, I mean more than three days in a row of pain I don't feel capable of tolerating. That would be on my pain scale, pain at an 8 or above, out of 10. I have so many tools for coping with this. Yet, as each day passes without significant relief, the tools are less effective.
My choices today very limited. Much of this journey has been a solo one. I have been living with my sister for about 9 weeks. She has watched me go through two pain cycles ... with one week break in between. She is overwhelmed, unable to feel she can truly help. As a result, I am alone most of the time. I am considering an assisted living situation, at least until I can try the Ketamine infusion.
Today ... there were several moments of joy ... I want to pause ... and recognize the gifts. My mother ... my friends and family who love me so much, and are helpless to effect my pain .... so much love and understanding for their journey. To have to watch, helpless ... as the one you love seems to be dying before your eyes.
Tonight my compassion lies with my family, and all of those who are watching us suffer each day. How difficult it must be to watch us in such pain, and be unable to stop it! Much love to all those of us suffering in pain ... including our friends and families!!!
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