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Living with Chronic Pain - desertmom54's diary
Learning to deal with all this pain



another Day
Feb 21 2008
Here it is thursday and Im so tired, I actually had a very good day yesterday and mopped and vacumed the house. Now I know better ,but gesh I havent had a good day in such a long time. and thefloors were so nasty. We are getting ready to move again in about two weeks and I just dont know if I can do this again, we are moving into a smaller place and I need to get rid of more stuff Just dont know what to do with all of this, some days are so over whellming for me and I just want to stick my head under the covers and not come up for air for days. If I would have known twenty years ago that I was going to be in this shape, I have always been a strong woman I had 4 kids, I have  had a few surgerys and came out stronger than ever. but now I cant hardley walk down the hall way, times I feel good and start something to just after about 5 minutes just want to lay down.
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Pain Mangement doctor is a quack
Feb 14 2008

Its terrible when you find out the truth about your P.M. doctor, I fired him this past week, I just cant deal with his office anymore or that when I call they cant give him a message for me. The office help is no help at all, I found out some crazy things about Dr Flores, he is in cahouts with the Pharmacutical company in Nevada, he is just to make money, I honestly dont think his wife has Fibro. I could not get any help after my surgery. We were told he would never talk to us and that the nurse was the only one we could talk to, all the diffrent meds he put me on made me very sick. so I fired him and went back to my old doc and he wants to send me to another P.M. doc so Im going to try again with someone new. and hopefully I can get the help I need,

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Testosterone for woman
Jan 25 2008
On Wednesday I went to see the P.M. doctor I was gone all day from 8:30 am till 8:00 pm. It was such a long day, The visit went well he got my blood tests back and all but my testosterone levelswere very good, you see womans levels should be at 2.5 to 4.6 and mine were so low at .08 that I almost dont have any at all, so what happens here is that your pain level is so high that you dont have any of the receptors in your brain and spine that you need to tell your body to stop the pain when you take your pain meds, so mine isnt telling my receptors anything and they dont stop the pain, Yesterday was the worset day I have ever had, Like a fool I went to P.T. and hurt so bad I couldnt stand it, I cried so much and I know that dosent help but it was the only emotion I had at the time, My poor hubby didnt know what to do for me, He did go with me to see the P.M.Doctor and learned so much from him. he had a clinic in southern California before coming to New Mexico and he told us alot of research went on there for Fibro , he moved to N.M. because his family lives here and his wife has fibro so wanted to get her here where its a drier climate. He gave me a script for Morphine but guess what? It dosent work either.  you know how you feel when you run out of pain meds and are starting to withdrawl well thats me all the time. the hands, the knees, the stomache. and I just dont know what to do, This morning at 4:30 am I took 2 Morphine tabs 15mgs each he only gave me 60.  I took one yesterday morning with 2 percocets 5mgs each and it helped for about 4 hours after that it got realy bad.  I just dont know what to do to make this stop, I have to go back to the drug store this morning with my script they didnt tell me they were waitting for an ok from the insurance.
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Patches arent working
Jan 15 2008
These darn patches arent working, I see the P.M. next week and hubby is going with me. Hubby said he would tell him they arent and not only that but my insurance wont pay for them, I just wishhe would give me something that would work well. Im so tired of pain I know theres alot of folks out there with the same thing going on in there lives, Its a real shame that we cant have some kind of med that would make it all go away. I need to get up and make dinner but just cant find the energy to do it. But I will because I have to. Im tired so tired today. I laid down for ahile and my hip was hurting so bad, I know I will have to change this patch again but then Im going to run out before next week. I just hate that they cant give me enough to get me through the month.  well Im off to cook dinner for my hubby and then watch some TV. its tuesday and they have some new shows starting. I love to watch Ghostwhisper and Moonlight on Friday nights, this is how I spend my time, wake up drink my cup of coffee watch the Today Show, My soaps in between try to do a little around the house, Dishes and sweep my poor back. then more soaps and then Ellen. I get on the computor alot during the day, I belong to a adoption group because of loseing my oldest child to adoption at the age of 16. so I spend alot of time with them online and scince I found this place I try and spend lots of time here.
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feeling alone today
Jan 13 2008
Im not sure whats going on with me this morning. I woke up off and on in the night like I always do. I was in extra pain last night, Im sure it was from the exercises I have been doing for my physical therapy, I didnt have any more percocets for my break thru pain so I changed my pain patch after two days I just couldnt sit, stand, or lay down. I hurt so much . about three hours after changeing my patch it took affect and I was able to get a little relief. This morning isnt so bad. but my mind is somewhere else and not sure were. Hopefully I will figure this out were Im not so depressed maybe its the pain I was in so much yesterday and hope it dosent get crazy today
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Vist to the Physical Therapist
Jan 10 2008
I had my first visit with the P.T. today. and it went pretty well. My right leg is a little longer than my left.  hip and pelvic are so out of whack he had to do some adjusting and wow didit hurt, showed me some exercises to do at home, start out slow. I will be going twice a week, I didnt realize it was that bad, but Dr. flores said it was because we tend to lean forward because of the pain, My P.Ts name is Jason and he is a very nice young man, He has studied up on Fibro so he knows alot about it. I go back next Tuesday. last Monday I went to see the eye doctor and he found a Basal Cell Cancer spot on my nose next to my right eye, I have an appointment on next Monday to see a ears , Nose and throat doctor for this, He gave me a very good eye exam and said before he gives me glasses I need to have this taken care of because of the fit of the glasses on my face.  well I need to go look at a few things and go to take a percocet for brk thru pain tonight my hip is bothering me.
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went and got my pain patches
Jan 06 2008
Yesterday I went to the drug store to get a couple scripts filled and told them to go a head and fill the Pain Patches, so when I went back to pick them up they didnt have my patches ready, i asked Why Not as it had been three hours scince dropping them off, it said on the paper my insurance wouldnt pay for it, well hell I knew that already but had told the girl I would pay cash for them. so the one who took my scripts came up and actually said it was her fault, yes it was, so she said it would be a few minutes I sat there for half an hour waitting for it. These people need to get there heads out of there you know whats. This is the only drug store in this small town of Truth or Consequences New Mexico and everytime I go in to get a script filled for my pain meds they give me dirty looks and whisper behind my back I look at it this way, If the doctor didnt want me to have the pain meds they would never write the scripts. They are suppose to open the new Wal-Mart next month and I told my new pain doctor that this is where I want to get my scripts filled. and he said ok, cause when you fill out the Pain meds contract you have to write a drug store down and I told Dr. Flores that it would open then and he said ok. I just hate going to that drug store the people there are hateful and they can get away with it because its the only one here. My Patches are working pretty good not haveing as much pain .
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New Doctor is great so far
Jan 03 2008
When I had to sit and wait way over an hour to see this doctor I had bad thoughts, but I was wrong, Im so glad to know that Dr. Flores gets my pain and has decide to help me be a person again. I want to be able to get on the floor with my grandkids and play. I want to be able to have sex with my husband again, its been three years.I want to be able to go out and do something.  in the last two years i ahve totaly changed because of my pain, hopefuly now I can do some of the things I use to do
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Last Nights pain
Jan 02 2008
I tried to sleep last night, but was awake more offten then not. this is getting on my nerves not to mention getting old. I dont sleep in the bed its been months as when I try I just hurt all over, being in the chair in the living room gives me a little relief.  Im hoping to remedy that soon.
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all the pain
Jan 01 2008

I want to learn to live with my pain. Its realy getting me down and all I want to do is cry. im going to see a new doctor on Thursday and I hope he is going to help me

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