Life With Lyme

I am so afraid - I have been having trouble looking in the mirror - to me I look horendous. I cry every time I look at myself. I don't like the feelings I have nor the ideas that come with them. I have a very supportive husband who dotes on my every whim and call. He tells me I am beautiful on a daily basis and it just isn't helping. Also, my LLMD is no longer able to prescribe narcotics to her patients. There has been a lot of patients in the area she is in who have been going from Dr. to Dr. getting them. It seems to be a legal thing. She told me that she is sorry and she hopes I understand. I do understand and I know she is not taking this lightly. She has been there through so many hills and valleys. In the darkest times when it looked like there was nothing to help me get through it she game me a hug - a very heartfelt hug ; she has cried tears along with me. She is my only Dr. - I don't have a regular physician - just her. Others I have met online are instantly saying, "get another LLMD because she doesn't want to work with me". This really gets me angry - she has found loop hole she can find in order to make my insurance pay for this entire mess. This also keeps her out of trouble. I don't really need her to be criticized - just pray for her and me - this isn't easy for her either. Pray for a way that she can still help me; that I won't have to give up on a Dr. who has tried so hard to help me. I have been taking Norco for quite a long time - no uppage in dosage and the same with my Flexoril. I sent her an e-mail Wednesday ensuring that I see only her and no other physicians. We have to always remember - there are those who have a secondary Dr. on the side to get RX's from them too. (mostly others who do not have Lyme nor really don't need them). Also, I have an appointment in a few weeks - pray that she and I can sit down and "brainstorm" to resolve this problem. As I stated at the start of this entry - the biggest thing is the depression. For assurrance, I have told my husband so that it will be harder to go out and do something stupid - with him knowing, I feel that it will be a lot less chance I will do so. Thanks!