|Aug 07 2009|
It's been a really hard week but when I found this site, my outlook has changed. I don't feel so "alone" anymore. Most people can't understand another's situation unless they've been there themselves.
I feel as if I've been drug through the mud then put out to dry. Why do people turn on each other? I don't understand. I don't understand why people can be so cruel. Maybe it's because I don't have that 'inside' of me. Don't get me wrong, I get angry at times, but I don't intentionally stab people in the back just to "show them" who's in control. It's not me. It's not who God made me to be, thankfully.
I am at a turning point in my life. Between the Fibro and Lupus and all of the other 'ailments' I have I am nearly ready to give up a job I love because of cruel and hate-filled people. What is sad to me is this one person is supposed to be a Christian...that isn't very Christ-like to stab someone who has been a friend to you. I am still hurt beyond words. I never want to face these people again...NEVER.
The bad thing is...they win either way. If I go back to work, they're going to make it a "hostile" environment with their cruel and snide remarks. If I don't go back, they will win because they got rid of me. The sad thing is I am ready to cut my losses (for my HEALTH's sake) and let them hang in the balance with one less person to keep up a busy office. How would they like that?
I can't control these illnesses. They choose me - they choose when I am sick, when I am well, when I can go and when I have to stay in bed. I cannot fight it any longer. It's a losing battle and every day it gets harder, not easier.
Just venting....I've worried myself into a full-blown flare-up because of this woman that was thought to be my "friend." Who needs enemies in that case? I have never been hurt so much by anyone - even my ex-husband as I have been by this one person. It's a sad, crying' shame. And it stinks.
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