|Aug 06 2009|
I'm venting here...please bear with me.
I'm about ready to give up. For the last two years I have gone through diagnosed with Fibromyalgia AND Lupus, having a hysterectomy, a lung biopsy, gallbladder surgery, pneumonia, sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, high BP, costochondritis, pancreatitis, NUMEROUS sinus infections, my ear drum has ruptured twice, I've had pre-cancerous cells lasered from my cervix, regular migraines, usual flu-like achiness from the Fibro and now I have pleurisy/Upper respiratory infection. I know it could be worse. But all through this I have been trying to work full-time only to get treated like crap.
I am depressed. I have found out that although my husband doesn't like others saying things about me, he suggested to a mutual friend that I "can't possibly hurt as much" as he does. Now my own family is turning on me. Sorry that I am venting here...I am at the point that I don't want to even see the people at work again. Especially this one person that is bound and determined to make my life heck when I am there.
She once told me "at least you didn't go through chemo" (as she did)... but I told her that I would GLADLY go through it if it would rid me of this terrible illness. She didn't have much to say after that. She basically harasses me with questions like.."what do you do? Go to like 10 different doctors to get your meds?" or "why don't you just find a part-time job?" or "at least I don't go to the doctor every time I have a sniffle." It's constant remarks and put-towns.
This same person says her brother has fibro -- and he is "fine." He can walk and run and do whatever he wants to do. Sounds like he is blessed to me. She made comments about me getting a Handicapped plaquard when I park. Tells me I should be like her brother and park "as far away as you can" like he does. What the crap? I am NOT her brother. We are all different and I remind her there are various degrees with this "syndrome."
I apologize for venting here, but I am at my wits end. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write. I just want to run away from it all and suffer alone. I now feel like I can't even talk to my own husband - my best friend. I feel so alone. My kids (teenagers) have been understanding when I cannot go to concerts or fun events...the days I work take every bit of energy that I have. When I finally get home, I am lucky to get off of the couch to do anything the rest of the evening. I've even been so exhausted that I've slept THROUGH 2 and 3 alarms and been late for work. I don't know how much more I can do.
There are days that I nearly fall asleep as I drive because I was up with severe pain and/or insomnia the night before. Am I to endanger others just to get to a job that I'll be harassed at most of the day? I don't know what to do. I just don't know.
It was suggested to me a couple of months ago that I sign up for FMLA to protect my job. I was given a good "talking to" by my boss about missing 3 days from a ruptured ear drum. My doctor completed all of the paperwork I needed for HR. I knew I didn't have to use it all (12 weeks) at one time, so I use if for these flare-ups, random infections that weaken me to the point of being bedridden for days. NOW...even though I have a doctor's excuse through this week (Friday), I am being asked to provide an affidavit or some type of letter from my doctor that I am really sick and really needed to have missed an entire week from work. What a slap in the face!
I don't know where to turn, what to do.... I can get the note, no problem, it's just that (in my opinion) they know they can't fire me right now -- at least until the FMLA is up. So...they are going to make it as hard on me as they can. I'm too tired to fight with them. I'm too tired. I want to say -- go ahead...make it without me --- see what I REALLY do when I am there. But then again, I don't want to give them the satisfaction.
I'm at a point that what I decide now will impact a lot of people. I am praying -- trying to be patient in the waiting....but I don't have much longer. I just want to quit and have them leave me alone. I don't need a bunch of bullies on my back making my pain worse. That job isn't worth it.
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