|Apr 21 2012|
I need to paint. I can feel it like a deep-seated itch. We can't keep putting off unpacking, the lawn mower is buried in our stuff lol. We also cleaned out the spare bedroom and it has my husband's music recording equipment and my desk, all ready for me to start working once I get my paints out. I also registered for school this fall! Yaaay!
Anyway, I'm having trouble lately with going no-contact with my father. I haven't heard from him or any other family about it, and while a large part of me is relieved, I also feel strange. We've been going to church in a nearby town which is nice, but my oldest daughter is missing her first communion classes and I'm going to baptise my son at some point but I'm not sure how to proceed.
What is harder, though, is that our home is filled with things from my dad. Our kids' clothes, books with notes written in them, all these things. I might consider getting rid of them but they are for my children and they are attached to them so I feel like I will have to find another way to deal for now. It's strange, I have never had a limb amputated, but I feel like there is a phantom family still. Like some sort of hazy silhouette of my father on the edge of my awareness. Of course it's the "good" father, though, the one who smiled and hugged me and helped us out and told me he was proud of me. The pretend father. Mr. Nice Guy.
This is hard stuff.
Anyway, I wanted to share one of my paintings that I did last summer. It is called "Wake"
Edit: I can't figure out this silly image thing! It's either too big or too small! Sheesh. I guess I will have to figure it out later so I can't show my painting yet :(
Another edit for shameless self-promotion lol. I can't get the image on here, but it's on my deviantart page, http://child-of-the-stars.deviantart.com/
Happenings, and a tearful phone call with my siste...
What am I looking for? I don't know.
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