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Life and Times of...me

just myself, and that's ok

He must think I'm stupid.

Apr 02 2012

I don't know what to do with myself. I never called my father back when he called for my daughter's birthday, I didn't speak to him when he happened to be at church (he gave me a hug andI just sort of tolerated it with a generic smile, not sure how else to act, you know?) and I am positive that my husband was perfectly clear that he would not be seeing him again. It's like my dad pretends that none of this has happened. Life goes on. He drops little hints about missing us and the kids (ESPECIALLY the kids!) and I can just imagine how much it pains him that I'm not allowing his perfect grandpa act right now. Anyway, he left a message a couple days ago saying the whole family were invited to tea tomorrow. He's getting more desperate, because he left the same invite on facebook. He never uses facebook. I'm tense because I can't help thinking that his next step will be showing up at my house and I don't know how to handle it. Hand him the breakup letter without a word and shut the door? Defend myself? I don't see this going well for me. I don't know what to do. My kids will be there, they know I'm avoiding him and that he's done some not-good things but when they see him they just light up. He's Grandpa to them. He's good at picking moments when I'm caught off-guard, he brings up these really bad family issues in public all the time when he knows I won't discuss the truth and I'll just say whatever I can to alleviate the pressure.

I'm honestly curious as to what he's thinking right now. That if he pretends it didn't happen that it will become my reality? Oh, the joys of having a narcissistic father.

Anyway. My mom is all moved out. We will all retreat now to lick our emotional wounds...and then everything will be freshly opened on Easter. I remember loving holidays. What happened to that? Can I get that back?

Previous diary posts by Izzy87:

Happenings, and a tearful phone call with my siste...
What am I looking for? I don't know.
He's BAAAACK
Thin Skin
BABY!!!

Checking In
Don't want to pick myself up
MDJ Tech Difficulties?
blah blah blah...
He wrote her a letter

Comments (7) Add Comment

written by Schefflera, April 03, 2012

Ah yes, my father used to love re-writing history and assuming that whatever he made up would then be my reality too. After awhile I didn't even bother questioning him because I knew it would just blow up in my face or cause a scene.

After a point, you just have to say "No more." You can't afford to show abusive people common courtesy which we'd show normal people. They take advantage of it and twist it into something awful.

written by Izzy87, April 03, 2012

The part that I am having the hardest time with is my kids. How do I react if we see them? Do I keep them from him? They adore him. I don't know what to do on that end still. I wish I'd been able to do this before becoming a mother.

written by clemaire, April 04, 2012

This is a tough situation. Your kids love him. Do you think they might have resentment for not being able to see him when they get older? And if you let them say...go hang out with him, will he fill their ears with a bunch a crap? It's hard to tell. I wouldn't want to see my father either if he just swept things under the rug!

written by Izzy87, April 04, 2012

They might, but it's a chance I am willing to take. My oldest already knows some of the things he has done to warrant this so I hope the decision I made will be in perspective for them. I won't let them go see him. At the very least that give him an in on my own life and that's not ok right now, if ever. He's done a lot more than just what he's done with DH. That was really just the straw that broke the camels back.

written by clemaire, April 05, 2012

That makes sense and as the younger one gets older you can start talking to him/her about some of this stuff. When you said DH is that someone's initials or does it stand for something?

written by Schefflera, April 05, 2012

Izzy, if it makes you feel any better, my husband actually said he resented that his mother made him see his father as much as she did (although after awhile it was court mandated so her hands were tie). Even outside of the law though, she often insisted that he go see him especially when he was ill... Of course as a child he liked his father (who was very loose on rules of course, a kid's dream!) but looking back on it all, he wishes that she had protected him more from his influence. (FYI he has a great relationship with his mother now too.. very open and honest!)

written by Izzy87, April 05, 2012

Oh, sorry, DH is Dear Husband. It's lingo for another site I am on a lot.