Why wear a ribbon?

"My son has Diabetes. Everyday I wish I could cure him." (delmard)

MDJunction to me

"Before i found MDJ i was in the deepest darkest part of my life after my abduction. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted that sense of being a normal person.Finding MDJ and the people with in it has steered me down the correct path into the light of hope. The feeling of hope that i was not alone,the feeling of hope of understanding,and the feeling of hope to move on. I never give up hope." (1magicman)

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Life and Love in a BP relationship

Day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year......

When the spring gets too tight!!!!!

Jan 06 2009

All I can say is when triggers attack look out!!!! We're just pulling up from a two week stress related manic episode that started a day or two after Christmas or something like that. There were no chapels avalible for the wedding date we picked (grrrrrrrr) then her daughter had a major blow up with her husband (we had to go get her and the police were involved too long a story) then her son had some issues all in the matter of a few hours time. You could almost hear the switch go off it was scary. All I could do was watch and wait to see which way the emotional state would swing and it cycled for a day or two. Luckily I had two weeks off and got to be there for her. I had to return home one day for an appointment and she changed gears over night. The next day I go home to full blown mania she's pissed at the world and just snapping at everything!!! Nothing is going right for her the family is stressing her to the breaking point everyone is so self involved that they don't see her mental state and it's not helping a damn thing. I make plans for New Year at a nice hotel and suprise her with it. She's instantly in panic mode nothing to wear needs her hair done and on and on. We're supposed to be there at 7 and finally arrive at 9 and she's still in a panic. Things settle some as the night go's on but not much. Around 11:15 her body starts shutting down from the meds and we head up to our room where our chocolate covered strawberries and champagne is waiting. We shower and change only to be slightly late for the new year no big deal we do get in alittle celebration and have a nice evening. The next day starts good we have breakfast and check out. On the way back home the kids call and we're off and running again and the world's gonna come to an end nothings right I give up and on and on again!!! The family's triggering her now and the cycling starts again hold on for another ride!!! I decide that it's doing no good to be around family cause their no help at all with her and keep setting her off piling their problems on her so we pack up and load the bikes for another getaway. We went to our friends for the next few days and turned off the phones (broke mine trying not to stress too) so not to be bothered with anymore issues. By now mania is controlling everything and I have a little ball of energy to juggle 10 to 12 hours everyday. We all load up and drive out for our annual first of the year ride and party where we see friends that we only get together with yearly because of distance. I'm fighting to keep ms mania on track and all she wants to do is go go go. We drop the trailer with the others and set up our spot in camp. Had to go to town for a hotel room and run her little butt for a few hours. I swear during those few days we went to 20 or more stores and just walked around and it's her therapy she dosn't buy much of anything unless it's on clearance and deeply discounted.Anyway my knee is blown and we've walked 50 miles by now. She's calming alittle and it's time for me to try and get a ride through the trails and just get away.We head back to camp so I can take off for at least a half hour. I'm ready to go when I hear a yell and need to go do something for her and the aggrivation is back. Damn she's fighting to keep her happy mask on around the others and constantly apologizing to me for her actions and the mania wins again. I put up the bike and change cause there's no way I'm going to be able to get away she says she needs me for support and to help keep calm. Fine I drop my gear and grab a drink and my chair to sit with the group so we can try and salvage the week. We're playing music cause everyone brought their guitars and having a great time. The grills were going with anything you could think of and there was lots to keep busy with. I'd went over to the cooler for another drink (ya I was numbing myself a little) and noticed she had a wine glass half empty. I'd asked how many that was and got confirmation only 2. Well I thought o.k. cant hurt then I remember the pain meds for the recent surgery and the slight counter effect it's been having on the psych drugs and damn it too late. Thankfully it was dark and the party was in full swing cause she went off the deep end. We left for town so I could get her to bed and the fight was on I'd said something I didn't mean just trying to snap her back and looking back was way wrong and cruel of me. Anyway after the yelling and fit throwing was done her body shut off 15 minutes from our room. This left me with putting her to bed and unloading the truck by myself again (i do it anyway but she's always there if i need help) I'm not the med police cause I don't have to be she knows their importance I just don't remember the pain meds because their not permanent and only as needed. We learned that the chemical coctail and a small amount of alchahol do not mix at all. She did good by not letting any behaviors out around anyone but me and was just slightly upset around the others who thought it was the meds doing it. I've learned to separate the disorder from the person and can usually cope with whatever but this was a bad one and no matter what I tried there was no way I could get me time. Two weeks this kind of thing go's on and I can't get a break she even tried to get me one and it didn't pan out. She's never mean or hurtful during mania just testy and snappy for a few days till she gets a little control of it. Monday came along and I was ready to go back to work for the break. Things got better cause we got the chapel we wanted we just had to move up the wedding a month but she's better today cause thats out of the way. She told me she'd dealing with the mania by running around town with and for family to keep occupied. The house probably glows it's so clean but whatever works to help her. Today it's shallow cycling with a mostly happy person and only slight irritation but it's still early lol!!! Just had to get this confusion out and maybe look at it later and see if I made any sense of anything. We as usual made it through fine no major damage and learned valuable lessons in dealing with mania this severe so alls good...The only small problem I had was last night she wouldn't answer her phones and I got worried. Turns out she went to bingo to keep from bouncing off the walls at home and they have you put phones on vibrate. She calls when she's done wondering why I called 50 times. Ooops I get i forgot to tell you so sorry baby. No big deal at all I just didn't know and she forgets alot during these episodes. The lady she met playing tells her bye while we're talking and she carries on a conversation forgetting I'm on the line. I'm still watchful because of how bad it was this time. Hell at one point she wanted me to take her to the hospital for help and we were going the next day except for the improvement in her over night that really had me rattled she's never asked for that she's a very strong woman and handles so much so it was really bad. Damn I gotta go work or nothing will get done today. That was the speed of life during our holidays wide assed open and bumpy as hell lmao!! I finally have some me time and can get back here again woooooohooooooo!!!!!

Previous diary posts by txbiker63:

Med change and life issues
Last ride of the year!!!
Further into the new meds
6 Days with new meds........
Here we go!!!!! Med adjustment time!!!!

Light at the end of the tunnel
up and down up and down up and................
Slowly up the hill,,,,,,
Long Day
A good weekend

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by keepthefaith, January 06, 2009

Wow, I think the mania is contagious. That was one long paragraph! lol But I think you got it all off your chest, which usually helps. You had your hands full the last few weeks, and it can really wear on you, so take some time for yourself if you can.

Let me know if I can help in some way, ok??

Paul

written by Colourful, January 07, 2009

What is so cool is that you dont seem to be complaining, but rather simply telling and having a giggle. I think you're goog.