Kickin' Panic's butt.

So, I'm pms-ing, which really stinks for my panic and anxiety. I've been fatigued and moody all week. Gross. Today at church I felt her creeping up on me. It was warm in church today, I was thirstyand I started feeling those crappy feelings. I just emersed myself in the message, which was excellent by the way, and was able to deter her from really getting a grip on me. I love my church and how I feel when I'm there and I simply refuse to let her take that away from me. She has tried time and again and I'm proud to say that she has not and will not win that fight. I still felt on edge when I got home. Just nervous energy and anxious thoughts buzzing around me. The kids and I were bored so I decided to go do some grocery shopping. Not a great idea for me when I'm in this state but I just didn't care, I was so bored and felt so wired I just needed to get out of the house. My hubbie's on his seven on so of course he's not here to help out. I felt light headed on the drive to the store and thought a few times that I should probably turn back, but stubborness has gotten me this far. During my shopping, Pearl got really rough. Numbness and tingling in my hands, feeling really light headed and scared, chest tightness the whole nine. It wasn't full blown and it was brief but it came in waves, which I think was actually worse.  What was really bad is that I didn't even want to fight her, though I know that I could have easily gotten rid of her. I just didn't want to be strong, didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to use my techniques, it just required too much energy. I got the floaty feeling but was able to finish my shopping and get me and the kids safely home. Once I got back I put on a show for the kids and did my 21 second countdown, deep breathing and affirmations. I'm feeling better but still not right. I have so much going on in my life right now. So many distractions, both good and bad, it is just emotionally draining. I haven't been keeping up with my deep breathing routines and that's my own darn fault. I mean sometimes it's just hard and I just don't want to do it. It's like seven minutes of relaxation is just too much to ask of myself. How ridiculous is that? Wow, I'm a moody mess right now. Up side is this is my first attack in some time. I kept thinking today that it's not so bad to deal with this a few times a month and I really meant it. I just don't care right now, which I think is good and bad. Today I didn't have many carbs and I'm pms-ing. This is a lethal combination for my panic/anxiety. Bad thing is I know that but still didn't take steps to prevent it. I'm in a really bad funk right now and just hope that I get out of it soon. Argh!