Kickin' Panic's butt.

Hahaha, it's always a bit funny (in a not so funny way) that whenever I'm feeling really fabulous I know I am due for a fun episode of panic. This time was not full on panic, I was able toprevent that, but it was the nasty anxious thoughts and just the heat that comes over my body. For me, the anxious thoughts always center around my children and doing something out of control and/or hurting them. I'll be sitting around watching a show and then I'll think about stories I've heard of people loosing their minds and killing off their whole family and afterwards the neighbors would all say things like "So and so was such a wonderful person. We would have never expected this." and then I just freak out. Like what if I have that evil inside me? What if this panic and anxiety is the beginning of me loosing my mind? What if I hurt my babies? I know why my anxious thoughts are centered around my kids. They are my everything. I'm a woman of faith so I do not fear death. Really, my only fear is something bad happening to my children. So, of course when I'm super anxious that's what ALL my energy goes into. These anxious thoughts have been going on the past two evenings, not during the day, only at night. Last night I was just like I can't keep doing this, I was just exhausted. So I got out my panic away program and read the section on anxious thoughts and did the visualization excercies. I'm also doing my deep breathing more. I had been really slacking on it since I've been doing so good. I also said a prayer and I cried a bit and just allowed myself to feel weak. I also allowed myself to not feel shock or guilt at these crazy thoughts but just to accept them as thoughts and nothing more. It worked. I was able to sleep last night. I will do the same thing tonight and tomorrow and on and on. I really need to stick to this program because when I slack on it I feel the anxiety returning. I think that's key to actually curing this is just to continue to practice it and use all my tools even on my strongest days. This is My life and I Am in control.