Well, he came home from work really frustrated over something that really didn't warrant the way he was behaving.  I think the gravity of the past six months has just hit him.  He hasthis damn cough, he had sarcoidosis about 6 years ago, and he had due to the all the damn stress started smoking again...so after much nagging he went to the dr who told him his has bronchitis, it took his anti-biotics and is now on cough medicine, although his cough has improved a little HE IS STILL SMOKING!  Everytime he coughs I cringe, I am scared to death that he is going to die!  He is killing himself....and this is coming from a smoker.  I am at my witts end. 

He is now downstairs playing his video games after apologizing for biting my head off even though I spent all day cleaning the house, cooking his dinner.  I had a bad upbringing (violence, sexual abuse, psychological abuse) so when he yells I tend to retreat.   I am just very scared right now.  If I had some decent liquor.....

My sister decided email me back being the idiot that she can be at the age of 37 does not know what passive aggressive is!  I emailed her a link from wikipedia....dumb bitch.  I am so ashamed to be from that family.  He just coughed again...I can't take it!  I can't....it's killing me. 

I felt so much better yesterday...I know other people are going through some tough times and I am very sorry for that, but I think I am going to implode!  I can't leave the house because he will think I am running away...as tempting as that is....I really don't think he realizes how much it scares me whe he coughs.  If he does then he is being extremely selfish.

May some of the prayers that people have sent our way, that may have somehoe got lost find their way tonight...as I am feeling VERY flighty.