Keeping Track

I am tired today and that has me feeling spacey. It's a full day. Work 6 hours, drive 3 hours, celebrate my aunt's birthday. Then tomorrow I come right back to work an evening shift at my otherjob.

I'm not loving life to be honest. I don't like this schedule. I wish I had two days off. I wish I had a regular schedule. I began noticing last night and this morning that even though I'm good at customer service and working with children I don't know that I like it. It certainly puts a stress on me. Having to always be peppy and upbeat. It's a false self

Not sure I want to be at a job with no human interaction either, though.

Truth is I just don't know what I want to do. When spekaing with my sponsor Tuesday he made that point, "you might not know what the right job is for you right now." So it might be best to just surrender to what is for a little while. Job searching only seems to bring shame and stress.

 I guess that's all. Feeling a little alone right now on my break. Feeling sad. This too shall pass. One day at a time.

In terms of recovery I'm still doing my 7th step work in SAA and slowing getting moving on my 8th & 9th step work in CoDA and ACA. After a year I certainly recognize the need to take breaks and take things slow, but I also noticed that it works best when I'm actively working the program.

I guess that's all for now. I'm looking forward to driving today. Just getting on the road brigns some excitement. I won't go into the fear I'm feeling about visiting my mom's house for the first time since I started to bottom out there in Sept 2010. I have some friends expecting my calls tonight and tomorrow at set times so I won't be alone.

Step-by-step. Day-by-day. Moment-by-moment.