|Jan 17 2012|
No idea where to begin, Its all just running around in my head. I really feel like its hard to keep it together. Something is going on and I don't know what it is.
I am questioning everythingand i am getting tired of it. I wonder still if I love my partner and does he still love me? Am I pushing him away? He doesn't seem happy when I am around anymore. He will talk to other people and laugh but then it comes to me. The smile goes and we don't say much really.
The not talking bit does have a lot to do with me I get that, I don't like to talk about personal things and that has set a standard in our relationship and I don't like it. I tried to be a good gf, I didn't want to be one that nagged all the time or told the guy what to do or made him talk when he doesn't want to or make him listen to me but that has failed.
I feel so confused right now, so lost. My medication is wearing off there is no denying it. If it happened slowly i don't know but all of a sudden it has become real. I am get paranoid and angry again and confused, so confused.
I find it hard to talk to him tho, like me he gets defensive and its tough to talk to someone like that. He says he will listen but I don't want him to talk, to tell me how to fix it or to feel he has to defend himself.
Usually writing helps. It hasn't tonight.
Evil Blood tests
Tired Restless Frustrated
Wish I could rewind
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