Kayla

Well kids...... it went south. I had a HUGE panic attack. My friend was like was is going on. I was like this is my life. I knew I shouldn't have gone.  I was  so drenched I looked likeI was swimming and just got out of the pool. I think it was that my husband was picking my son up from college and I felt far away from him and I just couldn't walk. OMG. people looked at me lik...

My friend is going to pick me up to go out for frozen yogurt. I am going to take a tranq. and go. Everything in New York is BIG FLASHY DID I MENTION BIG....... I have to see if I can do it. Fingers crossed. This could be good or it can all go south !!! lol........ Once I get in Penn Station I am ok. I just don't like trains.
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I didn't sleep at all last night from the pain. I guess this is from the celulitus and staff infection. It is all cleared up but the pain lingers as EVERYONE who is on this board  cantell you. We all suffer and when we reach out to someone on the board they are there to help you and TRULY understand. I was at a party and two woman were one uping the other on who had the most painf...

I have lost my best friend, or maybe she never was, due to the fact that she felt that I wasn't sick and that I just wanted SSI so I could play with my horse all day. She has my horse on her propertyand was kind enough to keep him for free. She was my  sons trainer. Being in and out of the hospital and my most recent one was last month. I developed a staff infection, in my face where I ha...

Sorry I have been away for some time. I just can't seem to get on top of this . I have been in and out of the hospital and my last time was a staff infection that settled in my body and that settledin my face. My pain dr. is still working on me and I am so sorry if I am itching and moneing. I am staying with my sister in law for a week.  I spend the days watching them build the freedom...

I am trying to be soooooooo good and have just a plastered smile on my face.  I look like The Joker. I was getting better and not, just as they started to ween me off of the methanol I breakoutall on my face again. I just pray for EVERYONE. I know how you feel, some getting better and some getting sicker. We are all in this together. Pain i one thing that brings everyone with everythi...

I am so sorry I have not been on the site. I could have used it !! I had to have a radical hysterectomy. It hurt 10 time worse than my c section. Everything was taken out leaving only my two ovariesand he was going to take one but decided to leave it in. They also found two masses in my right breast. So now I have to go for the sonogram and then we will take it from there. They are doing everyt...

I broke out again and it was another shingles breakout. The doctor was going to give me Valtrex but I am so past that. My son is going  to Boston College in the fall. We are trying to squeezeeverything in. I can't do it. Everyone understands but I miss everyone. I go to see my horse, my son rides and then I give  him a bath, let him graze and give him a treat. riding now woul...

We decided to try the Methadone as a last chance for my PHN to settle down. I can sleep and feel better. Still can't go out, but this seems to work .

If anyone out there is trying.... like we all are, ask your doctor about Methadone treatment. I still take the Morphine patch and other oral meds, but I feel a bit better, and that is what I pray for my friends, that we all&nbs...

Has anyone out there had the PHN surgery where they shoot your nervous system is shocked with Lydocane.?

I am going to speak to him about it today.  

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New York  has beautiful falls' and winters both being my favorite however when you have PHN in you ear and face it is not so good. I can't go out unless I am  wraped likeKing Tut and all I say is WHAT? cause I need ear plugs.

I have so much to be thankful for, yet I am missing life. My pain mgt. doctor said he is looking into options. I have no fight in m...

I was like a dog at the front door because my husban was taking me to the drug store. Do you think I need to get out more?

The PHN is in my face and we have a wicked wind for some reason, andvery early too. They say if the squirles collect a bunch of nuts early we are going to have a bad winter. I have not see a squirl yet with a fat face.... keep fingers crossed.  

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PHN and Anxiety have taken my life away. I no longer see my horse, I don't ride and that would just make all my problems go away. I am blessed to have a son who is wonderful, but in theraphy becauseof me and my mood swings, I think I still have a marriage..... the anger and anxiety has been so bad that they put me on 600mg of seraqual during the day and 150 at night. I go down like a white...

I hope the everyone feels better. Every morning I light a candle for everyone. I have been having such a hard time of it. They want to put me in the hospital but I said. they don't understand. I just want to isolate myself and get through the pain. I sleep sitting up and the fental patch makes me feel sleepy. My husband tries to help but it is causing problems with him. We had out at...

Today I give up. PHN wins. I can not take the pain anymore, and I know that they are going to give me new meds today etc........... but it is just a pain that you have to live through in orderto understand.  ...

Woke up this morning with more leasions on my jaw line. I just can't take this anymore.

I am just going to call the doctor and see if there is a way that I can up the patch without havingto see him.

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Went to the Dr. yesterday. He put me on the 50 fentanal patch and by Thursday I will be up to 100 he said. I still can not eat, so he told me to drink Ensure, but that too hurts going down. My husbandis being supportive but you have to have it to understand the pain.

I am going to go out this weekend to where I keep my horse. I will stay from Friday to Sunday. It is so cold I hope I...

Today I have the doctor. I pray that he can stop this pain in my ear and throat. I haven't eaten in around 4 days except for some pudding. Either the fentanal patch isn't working or I need a higher dose. I just can't keep living like this.

Plus it is like minus 10 outside so the trip to the doctor should be fun. !!!!!

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Just not being able to go out and drive my son to his friends house or out to ride my horse is making me feel like a bad mom. I hope he understands and doesn't resent me. My husbandand I have spoken about this. My husband spends a lot of time with my son and said that he understands. I just feel like I have let everyone down.

Well.... there is always tomorrow.

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I can not stand the cold and wind anymore. I was going to go out to see my horse today and we have 50 mph  winds with snow. Will this depression ever end.........

House is now nice and quiet. I am going to learn more about this pain managment doctor before I go tomorrow.

Hope everyone feels well

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OMG... Everyone is home from work and school today. I just feel like crying. I like the house quiet....

Don't freak out but has anyone out there ever considered taking their life from just not being able to take the pain.? I do go to a shrink, so I am ok and wouldn't do anything, but sometimes thepain in my ear gets so bad I just want to die to be our of the pain....

I hope that everyone is feeling better today. This weather, plus the strain of the holidays isn't really the best thing for us. It makes my husbands MS act up. I am going to have to go outtoday to take care of my horse. For some reason where he is is FREEZING... he is in the Pine Barrans and they are always 20 degrees colder than us. I will just bundle up and go. He always makes me fee...

We got a lot last night. I think almost 20 somthing inches. I hate this because my fact will hurt for a long time with this wind and the cold. My sons school is closed tomorrow and for the nexttwo weeks. He wants to go Christmas shopping and I don't want to think of the pain going out in this weather. Maybe we will shop on the computer. UGH....... My poor horse has for...

Today the Island is getting a storm. We are getting 18 inches and I have to go out to get my meds. I am in a blind panic the wind is going to cause me pain. I  hate to sound like aperson who just complains but maybe I will take extra pain meds and the lidocane patch. I guess once this flare up settles down I will feel better....