Kaye's Memoirs

I've been of my meds for a few months now; they just became too expensive. I moved out of the town I was seeing a therapist in, and don't want to start seeing another one. I've cut twice sinceThanksgiving. But god, I've wanted to cut so much more. I crave it. I dream about it. I've been really fighting my eating disorder because I'm trying to get back into the navy. They told me I have to gain almost 20 pounds to stay in. I don't know if that'll be possible but I've been trying my best. I feel like I've been on one giant binge and kep having to stop myself from purging. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get back in. I really fucked things up. I'm scared. I can't not get back in...I don't know what I'll do.