I think I'm better today.  I took one dose at about 9 this morning and worked until 2 with my boss.  She is very intense but it seemed to go ok until she needed a cup of coffee.  She is hard to talk to once she gets something in her mind there's no saying no.  I just have to deal with the aftermath she leaves behind. 

I could not stand to spend another nite fighting with Ali so I took my second dose at about 5 p.m.  I am praying that I will be able to sleep.  It helped emmensely in being able to get along with Ali.  I must somehow antagonize her when I am not on meds or they are not working.  I know that I am very defensive and/or emotional with her if I'm not on meds it seems like she is always attacking me, or it feels like it to me.  I wish I knew.  I wish I coudl figure it out.  I wish I could be different just because I take the meds.  I can't figure out how to transfer the ability to defuse her when my meds are'nt working that I so easily do when they are.  It's not fair to either of us.  I do so much better on medication and I wish it worked 100% of the time.  I really hope that I am able to find what works the best for both of us. 

I wonder if ADHD is really about people who are extroverted?  I don't think that's fair to them.  I have two daughter who are extroverted and I'm pretty darn sure they are both ADD and would be classified as ADHD because they are extroverted.  I have another daughter who is an introvert like me, just as ADD as I am and would go completely undiagnosed because of it.  Or at least until she was old and gray like her mom and her life was a shambles like mine before she was able to get the help she needs.  God help me, us, that won't happen to her, or any of them.  I hope that won't happen to any of them.  I can't stand the thought of any of their children growing up hating them and loving them at the same time but never getting their own needs met.  Never knowing why, blaming themselves, blaming their parents, and on and on  it goes into infinity.  God help us, this will end in this generation and a cure will be found before to many more generations pass.  It's nice to be with them even for as precious little time as this medicine allows.  I like myself so much on medicine and hate myself so much when I'm not.  How is counsceling going to help with that?  So, priority one with Mark my psych will be, how am I going to be able to stand myself.