Okay, I think I am going to run away from home.  Anyone have room for me? :)  It has gotten so crazy here I am about ready to have a meltdown.

My son called yesterday and asked if he could stay with us.  He is having problems with his wife.  SOme are his own fault, but some are because his mother-in-law cannot mind her own business.  He is so upset so my husband bought him a plane ticket to come down and he will give him a job.

I love my son but I do not want him here.  He has always been so difficult to live with.  He has to always be right and he always knows more than everyone else.  He used to take so much pleasure in upsetting me to the point of being sick in bed.  My husband says he isn't like that any more.  He is worried about me now because I am so much sicker than I used to be.  But I am still afraid of the stress having him home will cause.  So I have until Tuesday when he gets here to try to calm down.  I think on my next doctor appointment I will see if I can get some sedatives. ;)

I also got an email from my birth mom this morning as well.  She had told me yesterday that she just can'thandle caring for Mom anymore.  She was going to put her in hospice and she felt very guilty about it.  I told her it was the right decision.  SHe has to care about herself too.  She is sick with fibro and lupus and taking care of Mom, who has always been a difficult person, is just too much for her.

Well, this morning she called the hospice to see how Mom was doing and they said she is declining fast.  She was on her way up ther to be with her when she dies.  No one else in the family, all who live close, will be there.  They have all refused to help.  So it is all on her.  I know she will feel guilt about Mom dying as soon as she goes into the hospice, but I still feel like she made the right decision.

 I wish I could be there to be supportive, but I can't.  Especially now that we spent money on a plane ticket for my son.  I can't afford to go out there even for the funeral.  I hadn't really expected to go since we went up a couple weeks ago to see her alive still.  But I had been thinking if I just flew out myself, at least I could be there.  Now it is out of the question.

In happier news, sort of, my daughter and her boyfriend are discussing marriage.  He is a good kid but they are so young.  I worry when I think about all my son has gone though.  He was too young as well but he wouldn't listen.  It will kill me when she gets married because she helps me so much.  Guess her younger sister, as well as the littler ones, will have to step up. 

On the upside, they figure they will move with us if we manage to move to Colorado in the spring.  Of course that may change if my son is with us.  My daughter is not looking forward to having her brother here and I don't blame her.  He has treated us very badly in the past so it is hard to let go of that.

Of course, all of this lovely stress is making me hurt tremendously.  My head is bad again as well as my legs.  Yucky tummy today too.  Maybe it was the second glass of wine last night, but I really needed it.

 I guess it seems like I am being whiney lately.  I don't mean to.  I just feel like this is a good way to vent and keep a record of my pain and possibly the triggers for my flairs.  I am not trying to make everyone feel sorry for me, but I do greatly appreciate those who comment and send private messages.  It is nice that people will listen without judgement.  It helps me to feel a little less out of control when I can just write from my heart.  So thank you all for that.

I know everyone here has their demons to fight.  While I don't often comment or send messages, I do care about what happens to everyone here.  I am also very greatful to have a place where I can be me and I am glad that you all can be you.  I love who all of you are. :)