I actually was proactive this weekend and gave my husband the key to the main med box we have (we have LOTS of meds - 9 for me and a couple for each of the kids).  It took a lot for me to giveup that control, but I knew I needed to do it.  The temptation of me being able to get to them so easily was just too much for me to take.  So I gave him the key so I won't do anything stupid.  I've thought a lot about just taking them all and never waking up again, but that would just be selfish on my part. I just have to keep hanging on until the damn Abilify gets here and wait for it to get to it's full effect once I start taking it.  I just feel so empty inside, like there's just nothing left to give to anyone.  My husband is understanding and I'm so grateful I have him - he makes sure to tell every night, as he's leaving for work, that he loves me.  I just don't know what do to with these feelings any more.