| Nov 30 2008 |
Life realy sucks ass. I don't want to live any more, I just want to take all my pills, drink some vodka, lay down, go to sleep and never wake up again. Now that I have become Agoraphobic, I haveonly a couple of friends and they don't come to see me or even call me. I feel kind of uncomfortable calling them as they don't know the full extent of what's going on and I don't necessarily want them to know. I feel like I have no one except my husband, but he is either working, sleeping (cuz he works nights) or running errands because I can't do them. I am usually so depressed that I don't do anything around the house. I just get supper on most nights and that's my one and only accomplishment most days. Why can't I get out of this? Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to have Bipolar Disorder? Why do I have to have Agoraphobia? Why do I have to have Fibromyalgia? Why do I have to have GERD and all the other physical ailments I have? Why do I have to have son who has his own mental health issues and likes to play games with them? What did I do in my life that was so bad that I'm now being punished for it with all these afflictions? How much is one person supposed to take. I just want to die - I'm tired of dealing with all of this and I feel like I'm dealing with most of this on my own. My husband helps however he can, but he doesn't understand how I really feel. I don't talk to him much about him I really feeel because I always get the feeling that he doesn't want to know. I just want to lay down and die. What's so wrong with that? I can't write any more.
Comments (7)
Wen my friend i am here for you.
Wen...I would like you to talk to someone about what you're feeling. I don't want to see you like this. Don't punish yourself with all the why's. It doesn't accomplish anything.
I am asking you to get on the phone tomorrow and call someone - a professional - to help you deal with these feelings.
We don't want to lose you. Don't let your diseases win. Stay and fight. {{{Wen}}}
I am asking you to get on the phone tomorrow and call someone - a professional - to help you deal with these feelings.
We don't want to lose you. Don't let your diseases win. Stay and fight. {{{Wen}}}
Wen I am sorry that you are going through so much. Perhaps your friends don't call or come over because they don't know that you need them right now. Try calling and inviting them over for dinner or a girls night with a movie. You have us here with you, please realize that. I hope that you have a better day tomorrow, please stay with us you can get through this, you can. Things will get better.
wen i have bp1, fibro, multi joint arth, gerd, hig bp, high cholestrol, asthma, allergies, osteoporosis, am ocd, seasonal deficent, ptsd, chronic depression, panic attacks, anxiety, ibs, and several other things. please don't give up. don't let this thing win. fight. please fight. you can overcome. you have every reason to live. think of your blessings. i had to sit down and think for a while because all that came to mind were bad, but the good is there. look for it sweetie. you can find it. peace, prayers, and hugs.
Wen, I am so sorry you are so down. I know you are going through a lot. Know I do care. You have helped me out and I want to help you. We dont know the whys of things sometimes. We just have to be strong and grow stronger from dealing with what life deals us. Please call up a friend and talk. maybe she can come over. I know it can be hard to be motivated to do things. People who care understand. Please feel loved and appreciated. I really care. Hugs Lori
Thank you all for reaching out to help me. I just have to wonder how much one little ole (not old! - lol) person is supposed to handle. I've had a lot to go through in the last 6 years with my son as some of you read in a previous diary entry. After awhile I know I kept getting stronger from that whole situation, but I just don't think I can handle much more stress in my life. I have so many things to deal with in trying to get myself better that I don't think I can handle him again. I just don't know anything any more. But, again, thank you all for caring so much.
Wen I am sorry you are feeling this way. I know it is time for you to see someone like a therapist so you can talk and get all of your feelings out. If you can't do that reach out to your husband. My husband has been my greatest support. I saw a saying on someone's profile that read something to the effect of, When you think you don't want to fight anymore remember why you started fighting and have fought so long to begin with. Please Wen don't give up, please get the help you need.
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