|Aug 15 2009|
I am very excited. in about 5 hours i am going to be on the way to the airport. MatT'S sister is taking us. i really cant wait. it is going to be nice just being me and matt in a lovely warm europeancountry! We are going to zakynthos. it should be very very nice. i have enough money, enough clothes, all my travel documents... got it all and ready to go.
I am slightly worried about being there. i have never spent such concentrated time with matt before, so this could be the breakthrough to wether we are suposd to be together forever or not. i supose we have been together for 2 years and almost 4 months, so there is definately something good in it. but this will prove to us that we can hack being together for a week straight... hopefully without arguing.
It will be very nice to be independent of overbearing parents. i think they are slightly hacked off me because i have just applied for a council flat and im always out trying to mind my own business. i wont let them take over. i am gonna grow up. i am gonna do what other adults do. yeah, im growing up faster than most, but i had to. spending a year on a section in a psychiatric hospital is bound to make you different.
I am feeling quite positive today. i have been eating very little... and taking laxatives... and losing weight! i love it. im only on holiday for a week but i want to come back home thinner, so people can be like "wow! kirsty, you have lost weight!" that would make me very very happy.
what i will miss this week is going on this website and emailing helen, a friend that i feel connected with. probably my only friend. she is the only one who isnt out to get me. all the rest hate me really and dont want to be my friend. thats why i spend so much time on my own. that way they cant leave me and upset me. i am incharge of who i get close to. sometimes it is bad though. i get obsessions. the biggest has been with my old psychologist,Alison. i loved her alot. i still think about her everyday
anyway, i better wrap this up. it was only meant to be a quick "bye".
keep it cool this week- im back next sunday!
much much much much love!!
kirsty x x x
p.s this feels slightly strange because i am writing like a very happy person. i feel excitement inside (probably where it is coming from) but i really feel lonely and empty. i just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. never mind! bye bye x
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