|Jul 20 2010|
So last Tuesday doc started me on Prozac 20 mg because my OCD is waaayyyy out of control, and starting to mess with my work, which is a safety issue. So for the past two days I'm feeling theneed to just go, go, go, get something done, and as soon as that's done, do something else. I have trouble falling asleep and I don't want to get up in the morning. My mind races, I have reoccurring thoughts nonstop which helps keep my mind racing.....I'm so freakin talkative people are looking at me funny. I've found myself being too loud, and breaking into laughter at some of the most inappropriate times. My dear friend and co-workers husband died Saturday suddenly and unexpectedly while we were working, and even though I love her to death and liked her husband immensely, I don't even feel true sympathy. I stopped to tell her I love her and give her a quick hug, but even that didn't seem to break through the emotional detachment. I look at my kids and think I love them, but when it comes down to it, I don't initiate the hugs, and the cute things they do don't even really illict an emotional response from me. I love my family, I really do, but at this point, I could care less how they are thinking or feeling; not just in relation to me, but about anything. My 15 year old called my best friend yesterday because he noticed me cleaning a table over and over and over again, fixing minor things around the house, and cleaning nonstop. My friend came over and asked me why I was doing those things, and I didn't even realize I had done them. I told my son later to find my car keys, and he ended up finding them in the refrigerator door. I've never felt up when I'm manic, usually it's the irritability, the over-sensitivity, the racing thoughts, and the quick downslide into depression. I've never had mania like this before and it scares me to death. I've had to repress the urge to spend money on things that I have wanted for a long time, but know that aren't in my budget at all right now. I've repressed the urge to make big decisions like getting a new job and starting all over in a new place. I have never felt like this except for when I first came out of the hospital, and the shame and stigma of the hospitalization made me angry and withdrawn. I don't know what's next, and I'm scared of it. Thank God, my pdoc got me in for an emergency appointment today, so let's see what he says.......until then.....go, go go go go go go!!!!!
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