July 2008

We have arrived in Arizona, after a two day drive. We stopped at a lovely hotel early on the first day to rest, and slept until we woke up coming back. We also had a carrier on top of the car, whichgave me the entire back seat to rest on. But probably the best pain and flare-up prevention was that my meds have been completely changed. Instead of just treating the pain, these treat the fibro.

It took two full weeks to stop having pain so escalated that I could only blame it on the challenges and experiences of the trip to and from Germany. To begin my torment with the beginning of my torment (to borrow once again from dear Mr. Dickens) several weeks before Christmas my husband found himself the victim of an idée fixe, that if he did not travel to Germany to see his fathe

I have wonderful friends who I am eager to hear from and want to write to, but the trip to europe was very hard on me. I'm hurting badly. When I recover enough you'll hear the details. Until then, I'm thinking of you, but really not up to writing yet. Love - Christine

It's not T-Day yet, but because we'll be at someone else's house tomorrow, we cooked a turkey for today, for the left-overs, and also because there were about a dozen people here today. When there are so many people to feed, a turkey is a great choice. It was just a great big, noisy, family day. The ones who couldn't be here called in, and everybody kind of did what they pleased

Greetings, Friends, from a Fast Learner.

Did you know that Fibro used to be called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? I'll bet there was a reason for that. I think I might know what it was.

A couple of nights ago I was hit with an all-over feeling of tiredness that made me think something must be seriously wrong with me. I had to lie down immediately. The phone rang and it was

About 45 minutes ago, a migraine came blustering its way into the room, looked around as if it owned the place, and decided to sit down on my head.

I said, "Okay, I have to take a pill."

My husband protested, as he always does.

I said, "That's what the pills are for, and I need to take one."

More words, this time about how I should be in control a

I started just to write a brief hug to a beautiful friend, and it turned into a rant about something that bothered me horribly all through the Veteran's Day weekend, so I decided to copy it to my diary. It will probably make a lot of people here at the Junction hate me, but they will never make me hate them back, and that's the point. Anyway, this, as much as anything else, is who I am

Creeping into the kitchen for a Vicodin, after nearly an hour of fighting to get out of bed, that is the only answer I can come up with. I've been trampled by a herd of rhinocerous. es. You'd think the dog would at least have barked.

From the taste in my mouth, I probably bit one, but that's something I'll deal with later. After I can move. My husband keeps asking, "

This flare-up might hang around a while, and though it isn't the worst on record, it will do. The problem is, Willow is ill, and both her parents have things going on at work that they can't skip to stay home with her, so she should be here after her mommy finishes the things that can be done from home.

My sister asked last night whether I get her very often and I had to say

For the last few days I actually thought I had fooled the doctors into thinking I had fibromyalgia and needed pain pills. Did I lie? On purpose? For years? What was I thinking?

This morning, stepping out of bed, I discovered that my carpet had been replaced with large, sharp gravel. Next, a decision: potty first or kitchen for a Vicodin? Potty was closest, so I chose that one, then hobbl

We went to a Swapmeet on Sunday. I really love the swapmeets. One of the first things I saw was a display of staffs, $5, any size. The cane I had bought at WalMart wasn't any help, but I thought astaff might be. I chose one exactly my height, and when my hip started hurting, it was truly good for taking some of the weight. A little more than one aisle, (I think there were four, total, but very

We're in Arizona for a few weeks, making sure the house is in order for the coming winter. I'm enjoying either a complete remission of just about everything, or else the final tweaks to my medswere perfect and did the necessary magic. We'll be back in Dallas in October, but when the weather there gets dreary, we'll be back here until spring.

My husband said there was a spider sitting beside me on my chair, and I said she sits there and watches me play computer games sometimes. He asked if it is poisonous. Well, I guess, since all spidersare poisonous. Honestly.

I watched The 19th Wife. With that and Sister Wives, the Mormon Church must be having some behind-closed-doors meetings. All their good stuff comes from the ancient te

I had my mammogram and bone density tests yesterday. That nearly does it for the regular tests. Monday I see the doctor and I guess Tuesday we are off to spend a few weeks in Phoenix. We plan to keep the dog and the cat drugged in the car. I'm kind of worried about how this is going to work out. I've resigned from the local ladies clubs, because I hurt so much in the morning I can't ge

I had some great days, and I watched the TV show Hoarders. My house never has so much as the book I'm currently reading out of place, but that show inspires me, so combined with a remission, I hadto move furniture and clean, and now there's not even a dust mote out of place, and this morning I can admire it while I sit and moan. Ha. I wonder if FM has a sense of humor. Anyway, I got rid of

I guess this is as close to remission as I go. When I wake up, pain level in general is about 2 to 4 all over the bod. I take a Vicodin and a Tramadol or two and wait an hour, and that leaves me with low back pain at worst. My right hip can be irritated, but otherwise it's only the morning pain that reminds me that I'm not entirely back to normal. What I haven't learned yet is what to

It's easier to take care of Willow now that she doesn't have to be carried or lifted. She'll be two next month, and she is definitely into everything, but she couldn't have been betterif she were a doll and we programmed her. She ate, petted the dog, played with her baby, took a nap, sat on my lap and let me sing to her, just did all the things you'd want a perfect grand baby t

Today I let my husband in on the shocking news that I realize when he is playing power games with me. I said, "It's hot." He said, "It's warm." I stand corrected. One point. He is arm length from the phone but he sneers, "aren't you going to answer that?" and if I don't, I get a look as if I were polishing his shoes with dog shit. Sheer disgust. So I c

Waking up is horrible. I've told every doctor, and they don't even respond. I hobble to the kitchen and take my pills, sit at my computer and wiggle my fingers on the keys - fingers being the only things that function - and an hour later I'm okay. But every morning, that reminder that I'm not really okay, that without the magic pills I would not function. Lately there's a

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can't believe anything could be worse than being responsible for myself in this life. Everybody would be so much better if I did not exist. I have a knack for making people miserable.

Every time I think I am through this horrible time, I take another hit and find myself in tears and contemplating how totally helpless I am to do anything against it all. I need to know - is there a chatroomhere where people can just talk and support each other when things are at their worst? Sharing, and helping others is the charm against all this pain. But I don't know where such places are

This bout is being very hard to get through. My husband is trying to make things better by playing home movies from about 15 years ago and I finally had to tell him to shut the damned things off no I do not want to see them, so he is probably going to go off somewhere and sulk now, but the last thing I want right now is to see how lovely everything was and how every year is worse than the one befo

So I guess that's an improvement. I actually tried to get hotline numbers for suicide prevention, but didn't call anyone. Knowing that having my med (cymbalta) discontinued suddenly could causesuicidal ideation was what stopped me, because first, I didn't want that AH of a doctor to win, and second, I thought, if it's the med level making me think like this, then wait a week. If

Sorry to wimp out, but it's looking like a better option every day. I don't think there's a place in this world for me anymore.

Second day in a row of waking up feeling HORRIBLE.  Somebody is setting the thermostat down to 65 after I go to bed, and back up before I get up in the morning. I woke up shivering and freezing. Yesterday was the first time this happened, and today was the second, and I am hurting really badly all over. My dil and her three children are staying with me, and they like to sleep in the refrid

Yesterday I didn't even have a twinge of pain, and all the depression/anxiety that go with hurting were also absent. I shopped - with 3 children - without wanting to kill ANYBODY.  Yes, I didtake a Vicodin when I woke up, but maybe it worked better than usual. I want another day like that, today.

You can barely get to the real parts of the site because of the stupid roll-overs that pop up and won't go away.

I've been walking around in circles, can't get into a book or a movie, I don't want to paint or clean or anything. Something's wrong, but I'm not in enough discomfort to take a Vicodin, and I'm not anxious or depressed. I talked to all three of my daughters, but that didn't help. Started to get a glass of wine, but I'm not thirsty. I finally realized I just wan

My son-in-law's flight was delayed today because THE PILOT DIED WHILE FLYING INTO THE AIRPORT. Brian was on his cell, giving a minute by minute account to my daughter. Haz-mat was there - I guess they thought it might be some kind of contamination. Anyway, he's on his way to Hong Kong now, and my daughter will join him on Friday.
That's why I'm watching the kids for three wee

I've had all ten of my grandchildren here, and completely loving it. Alexa and Emmilie are visiting while my daughter and sil are in Hong Kong. Lauren, Aidan and Ian are living here, with Suzanne, my son's ex, who is more like my own daughter and close friend. He was unemployed and lost the house, so they are here for the summer. And the other five just came to hang out and swim and pla

Suz, the boys and I went to see Star Trek last night. Pretty good. The boys enjoyed it. I dropped my box of Junior Mints, which solved the problem of whether to eat them all or save some for later.

This morning's catalog of complaints: feet hurt to stand on them, arms get "tired"and ache if I even carry a book, sharp pain in left arm and shoulder, hands and fingers dow

I'm reluctant to write much, because my last attempts vanished into the cybervoid instead of appearing on the list.

Anyway, Suz (my son's ex) and the kids have come to stay with me forthe summer. It's so great to have them in the house, though Suzanne works long hours and is usually MIA.

The boys play and fight like brothers should. They are now a big second grader

The world won last night, along with Obama and Biden. To our members in countries other than the US, I hope you will be able to breathe more easily now, and to alter those opinions of Americans that haveformed over the past eight years. I hope everyone's economic status will improve, now that we won't be pouring our tax dollars into wars that shouldn't be fought, nor forcing our allies

Yesterday we celebrated Lauren's 16th. We began the day with Paintball. I was a trooper and didn't mention how heavy the gun felt to these arms, or what my legs felt like, sneaking up hillsin the woods.

I'll probably pay for it today, but I'm so glad I didn't miss it.

 

I may have posted this twice, but at present the first post isn't showing.

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I recently heard that cold weather might trigger FM pain. It's currently 49 degrees here, which I consider frigidly and fatally cold, and I am totally hurting. I guess I might need to move back toPhoenix, if Texas is going to throw weather like this at me. Ouch.

I really hate my arms and hands going numb, especially when I want to draw or study.

At least nobody is trying to hang me from the ceiling to fix it. When I think how many hours I spentin that useless traction, which only made it worse!

I think the problem is, my head is sitting on my neck.  

 

The tiny one is Willow Gretchen Martine Carrington-Frey.

Her sisters and brothers (Ian isn't in the picture) are:

Lauren, Aidan and Ian

Caroline, Rosie, Lily and Maggie

 

 

 

 

 

 

I haven't been around for a few weeks. Our baby, Willow Gretchen Martine Carrington-Frey, has been born, and I've been playing grandmommy, cooking for the family and keeping the kids organizedwhile Sarina rests - as much as her nature will allow at any rate. I was present for the birth, and Sarina and I have had a chance to grow even closer. I'm so pleased with my new daughter and m

When I woke up, after sleeping soundly all night in my wonderful waterbed, I was getting another Monster Headache. I took a Vicodin, but I'm still achy all over, and I know the headache is in there, waiting for the pill to wear off. My head feels like it's stuffed with hard cotton. It's totally clear that the FM symptoms respond to stress. 

I got most of the stuff I want

Dieter and I saw the doctor this morning. Only he had an appointment, but we always go together, so the doc's wife, who was manning the phones, said "That's okay. We wouldn't want to split them up."

I told Dr. G that I'll be away from Phoenix for three months, and I don't want a new doctor in Dallas. It says a lot about his faith in me as a person (really, w

We made it home at about 1:00. Not a wonderful trip. The Vicodin only went about halfway to relieving discomfort today, and now I'm hurting again, what I call the Full Body Ache.

KnowingI'm unlikely to come back to the Phoenix house again for at least a year is sad, and stressful. The automatic watering and the pool and yard guys kept things nice outside. Inside, the dust reminds

What a way to start a long trip. I picked up the stomach flu that my family has been sharing, threw up for 24 hours, so I couldn't take my meds last yesterday or this morning, because they wouldjust upset my stomach again.

So at 6 AM, cranky as an old Ford, I got in the car and tried to find a position that was less than miserable. Stomach still had a boulder in it, and then EVERYTHIN

Yesterday my arms were so sore, aching as if I had flu, and I felt so tired. My hip is hurting badly, too. I took my 5-HTP, as usual, but also had to take a Vicodin so I could do the shopping. Even then, my husband had to push the cart.

So today was also not really a great day, either, and I was tired. I can tell myself this is just phantom pain, but so what? It hurts anyway. At

Today Dieter comes home, but only for a few days. We've decided that he will travel on to Phoenix and San Diego without me this time. I hate the long separations, and wish he would retire soon. But there is too much going on here in Texas, with the baby coming and all the new family to get to know. And there are so many practical reasons why my going with him this time is not the best thing

 

 The kids were here yesterday. I enjoyed them. I finished another drawing and walked the dogs. Today I'm tired, and my hips and hands hurt, but I'm really doing very well.

I have to give full credit to the 5-HTP. The skin ache - gone. Joint pain - greatly reduced. Headaches - almost none. Fatigue - really reduced. I can't believe this. It's like the first time inyears that I feel like a normal, healthy person.

The title pretty much says it all. I take seven or eight Pericolace a day. Cutting back to five or six, or even seven for more than a few days, means I get jammed up, and then I'm in for a bad day. I hate this.

My cousin said I should add fiber to my diet. I put half a cup of bran on top of my food, drink until I'm in danger of water intoxication, top it off with a bottle of

I took a nap, and woke up with deep awful pain in my arms and hips, but it went away after I got up and moved around. I hate getting so tired I have to take a nap, because I know I'll wake up hurting, but that's kind of the norm, at least half the time.

Here is my latest drawing. I can't believe I feel good enough to get out art supplies and sit at it long enough to accomplish something. It's been a while!

Just now, the double-click worked, but my mouse is probably rabid. My husband told me to go over to Circuit City and pick out a new laptop. I might, but it's such a hassle to load stuff onto a new computer, and then you hav

Thanks to Irish11, I know how to upload pictures now. This is my grandbaby-to-be. Isn't it amazing. Not even born, and her face can be seen all around the world.

Unfortunately, since my mouse isn't speaking to my computer, I can't quite manage to insert the image. I only copy/pasted a copy of the

I'm definitely feeling better since starting the 5-HTP. I do have a vague, all-over ache and fatigue, but nothing like what I was having. Friday I had pain on the right side of my face, pretty bad, and also hip pain. Most everything I have is on the right side, so I was surprised that this time it was my left hip that was shooting darts down my leg.

Anyway, I just want to write that,

I'm still having good days, and I'm beginning to think the 5HTP must be responsible, because it's the only thing I've changed. I haven't seen anybody else write about this. But the aching is definitely less. I had pain on the right side of my face on Wednesday, but that's all. I've been drawing dragons, and the fact that I had energy to get out art supplies and

Dieter left this afternoon for Maryland. He'll be gone about 3 weeks, and then the real upheavals and changes will begin. It's hard for me to cope, with him gone.

Of course I got losttrying to get home from the airport. Took a nap, and I'd like to get in the pool - it's in the 100's today - but I'm not feeling very energetic right now. As if floating around in the

Yesterday I could feel the migraine trying to come back and clobber me, but I held the thing off, and today I feel really fine. Dieter and I went to Garden Ridge and bought a few miscellaneous things for the house. He's watching the Bruce Willis Marathon. I'm going to do some drawing.

Couldn't sleep last night, thinking about how to handle demands from a person who seems to think she can manipulate me to do what she says, or be guilty. Yuck. Headache came on, and it's a big one. Vicodin makes it enough better that I can sit here and move my fingers to handle email and stuff.

I'm showered, dressed, ready to do the day.

A lot of people have posted about noise this morning. I can echo much of what they have said. The "music" in the grocery store sends me up the wall - or out the door, if I don't really need much. By the time I reach the cashier, I'm often so shaken, I can barely function.

My husband has a habit of walking in, and going HUH! The sound is like an electric shock going

I've been saying it for several years: I just hurt all over. The thing is, there's nothing wrong with me, at least that could be identified in bloodwork or x-rays. I finally heard of fibromyalgiaand looked it up on the Internet.

I sure seem to qualify. I'll list the symptoms later. I've let my husband in on the secret, and he hasn't sneered, "You always feel